Every other Friday night I make the journey with two stops.
First stop, to drop off my youngest son, Baily, to his Dad in the parking lot of one of our beautiful local wineries in the back country about 5 miles from my home. Second stop, to drop off my oldest son, Hunter, to his Dad at a large rest stop on the edge of the freeway about 20 minutes further down the road.
As I think of it now from afar, the entire scene could seem somewhat sad to an outsider… two divorces later, kid swapping … not an ideal situation for any of us, but … things change.
As I wait for Hunter’s dad every other weekend in this same lot, I am aware of just how many other families have the same child sharing arrangement … and the same drop off spot. Little ones toting suitcases, pillows, blankies and backpacks from Mom’s car to Dad’s car … from Dad’s car to Mom’s car.
In our evolutionary process as a species, trying to define what real relationship means to us … this is part of the cycle of things. We can clearly see the breakdown of traditional union … but what is just on the other side of this crumbling still remains an unrevealed mystery.
I choose to believe we are headed some place good; some place collective and freeing - all at the same time.
… I’ve always believed that it ’takes the whole tribe to raise the children’. Yes … always have … always will.
After I dropped off both boys this past Friday, I began my 30 minute drive home … solo. Ahhhhh, the bliss of it! Car to myself (rarely happens with 5 kids!), music loud (listening to something groovy like Maroon 5, I think) … I began to travel through the foothills on the way back to my house.
If you remember this past fall, much of Southern California where I live went up in flames during the wildfires. The media coverage was all-encompassing. People across the nation were glued to their televisions, mesmerized by stories of destruction, the loss of land, the displacement of people and wildlife.
And when it was over, and the infernos had been tamed, what was left behind were these foothills – barren and charred … with no signs of recognizable life. Not a pretty sight but, again, things change.
Then something wonderful happened ...
Last Friday night, as I drove through those once blackened mountains, expecting to see the familiar remnants of destruction that I’ve been passing every other Friday night since last September, an amazing sight caught my eye. The months had passed, and the rains had come, and the sun had shone, and the wind had blown …
And now, just like magic … life had begun anew. For a stretch of about 2 miles, those once dead hillsides were completely covered with the most spectacular blanket of violet colored wildflowers you could ever want to see!
It was beautiful. It was breathtaking. It was … proof of the cycle of things.
It was a reminder to me to be careful not to judge a situation, any situation, too quickly. What appears as a tragedy and a sorrow can be , and frequently is, just a yet unopened gift …
So, I know that these times we live in seem dark and difficult. Our systems appear to be breaking down. We war with one another. The fires of destruction look as if they are burning out of control.
But soon, when the flames die down, and the smoke clears, and the barren land has its time to heal … I have faith that the human race will also see hillside after hillside covered with a beautiful quilt of wildflowers … made up of all the colors of the rainbow.
Fear not! … it is only the cycle of things.
K
P.S. - Remember - gifts in disguise … are still ‘gifts’.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday Happened
Well, it was my plan in this second posting to answer the most common questions typically asked of me as a single mom, raising five kids … three of whom are a set of triplets. (You know the questions … ‘oh, my – how have you done it alone?’, ‘when did you find out you were having triplets?’ and ‘were you on fertility drugs?’ Yadda, yadda, yadda.) I figured that would be a terrific segue into introducing my children to you one at a time for future reference. (Since I plan to share stories about each one of them that will make you laugh like crazy – though my kids, on the other hand, will surely plot my assassination for sharing blackmail material about them!) I was going to answer those kind of questions, but then … Sunday happened … and it took center stage in our lives. So, for at least one more day, those ‘typical’ questions will have to wait. Meanwhile, let me tell you about Sunday.
One of the triplets, my daughter Lynzee, had gone over to a friend’s house to spend the afternoon hanging out. Normal 15 year old girl stuff - nothing too unusual. It was about 4:30 in the afternoon, and I was in the kitchen starting to make dinner when my cell phone rang. It was my Mom (who also lives with us in her own little guest house) asking me to drop everything and come out in the front yard right away. Her sense of urgency was obvious, so I dropped what I was doing and headed for the driveway. When I got outside, I was momentarily paralyzed by what I saw. There, cross-legged on the sidewalk by the street, sat my beautiful daughter, sobbing hysterically. Clutched in her arms, an orange housecat, now dead – that had just been hit by a car. I dropped down behind her scooped them both into my embrace and rocked her. All I could say was, ‘I’m sorry, Honey’.
Apparently she was on her way down our street, being driven home by her friend’s dad, when right in front of them about a block from our house, a car hit this cat and kept right on going. The cat didn’t die instantly, and was struggling – so being the huge-hearted healer my little girl is, she screamed ‘stop’, opened the car door and bolted to the animal’s rescue before the automobile had even come to a complete halt. Not thinking of herself for a moment, she grabbed the kitty and held it to her … blood, fur and all … and repeated words of comfort to it over and over, until only a minute later it died in her arms. She brought it all the way home with her, slid out of the car and melted into a puddle at the end of our drive. Enter, the rest of the family.
Soon after I got out to her and tried my best to lend comfort, each of her other siblings came running to her side, arriving one by one. Everyone had their own immediate personal reaction to the image of this poor dead cat, but soon after, what I saw was a beautiful thing. Each of them also had their own reaction to the image of their sister’s vulnerability and pain. Once Lynzee placed the cat on the ground in front of her, she had arms around her, hands brushing through her hair, hands wiping away her tears and words of comfort from every brother and sister. In a house of 5 independent, strong-willed children, this does not happen a lot … but it happened Sunday.
Lynzee decided she wanted to bury the kitty in our backyard and have a small ceremony for him. That was all the family needed to hear. Hunter, Lynzee’s triplet brother, went straight to the garage, got a shovel , headed for the perfect spot and began to dig a hole. Baily, Lynzee’s eight year old brother went to the kitchen, grabbed a trash bag to cover the cat’s body with and a glass of water for his sister. Sydni, Lynzee’s older sister Sydni helped Lynzee change clothes and put her blood soaked shirt into a sink of warm soapy water to soak. And Dakota, Lynzee’s twin and best friend, stayed with her sister and helped her gather up candles and stones to use for the funeral.
At 5:30 p.m., we buried ‘Baby’ - together. (A name we gave him since we didn’t know what he had been called before.)
On a regular basis, in a house full of four teenagers and one little guy, I struggle at times to find that loving connection between my children amidst all the teasing, the drama, the practical jokes … the friction. On Sunday … it was there before my eyes, larger than life.
Baby Kitty, I hope you know what a gift you brought our family as you crossed over to the other side. The very last minute of your life impacted 7 others’. I will be forever grateful that … Sunday happened.
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P. S. – Don’t wait for Sunday to happen … go hug your kids now.
One of the triplets, my daughter Lynzee, had gone over to a friend’s house to spend the afternoon hanging out. Normal 15 year old girl stuff - nothing too unusual. It was about 4:30 in the afternoon, and I was in the kitchen starting to make dinner when my cell phone rang. It was my Mom (who also lives with us in her own little guest house) asking me to drop everything and come out in the front yard right away. Her sense of urgency was obvious, so I dropped what I was doing and headed for the driveway. When I got outside, I was momentarily paralyzed by what I saw. There, cross-legged on the sidewalk by the street, sat my beautiful daughter, sobbing hysterically. Clutched in her arms, an orange housecat, now dead – that had just been hit by a car. I dropped down behind her scooped them both into my embrace and rocked her. All I could say was, ‘I’m sorry, Honey’.
Apparently she was on her way down our street, being driven home by her friend’s dad, when right in front of them about a block from our house, a car hit this cat and kept right on going. The cat didn’t die instantly, and was struggling – so being the huge-hearted healer my little girl is, she screamed ‘stop’, opened the car door and bolted to the animal’s rescue before the automobile had even come to a complete halt. Not thinking of herself for a moment, she grabbed the kitty and held it to her … blood, fur and all … and repeated words of comfort to it over and over, until only a minute later it died in her arms. She brought it all the way home with her, slid out of the car and melted into a puddle at the end of our drive. Enter, the rest of the family.
Soon after I got out to her and tried my best to lend comfort, each of her other siblings came running to her side, arriving one by one. Everyone had their own immediate personal reaction to the image of this poor dead cat, but soon after, what I saw was a beautiful thing. Each of them also had their own reaction to the image of their sister’s vulnerability and pain. Once Lynzee placed the cat on the ground in front of her, she had arms around her, hands brushing through her hair, hands wiping away her tears and words of comfort from every brother and sister. In a house of 5 independent, strong-willed children, this does not happen a lot … but it happened Sunday.
Lynzee decided she wanted to bury the kitty in our backyard and have a small ceremony for him. That was all the family needed to hear. Hunter, Lynzee’s triplet brother, went straight to the garage, got a shovel , headed for the perfect spot and began to dig a hole. Baily, Lynzee’s eight year old brother went to the kitchen, grabbed a trash bag to cover the cat’s body with and a glass of water for his sister. Sydni, Lynzee’s older sister Sydni helped Lynzee change clothes and put her blood soaked shirt into a sink of warm soapy water to soak. And Dakota, Lynzee’s twin and best friend, stayed with her sister and helped her gather up candles and stones to use for the funeral.
At 5:30 p.m., we buried ‘Baby’ - together. (A name we gave him since we didn’t know what he had been called before.)
On a regular basis, in a house full of four teenagers and one little guy, I struggle at times to find that loving connection between my children amidst all the teasing, the drama, the practical jokes … the friction. On Sunday … it was there before my eyes, larger than life.
Baby Kitty, I hope you know what a gift you brought our family as you crossed over to the other side. The very last minute of your life impacted 7 others’. I will be forever grateful that … Sunday happened.
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P. S. – Don’t wait for Sunday to happen … go hug your kids now.
Use "The Good Stuff"
One day last week, I had my 8 year old in the bathtub – attempting to soak off the day’s dirt in preparation for school the next morning. I frequently tell him he is a ‘dirty, disgusting, smelly little kid’ – to which he always responds with a roll of his eyes, a giggle and an ‘am not!’ Then? He loses the battle and ends up in the tub, much to his dismay!
Baily is my baby. Baily is a lot of things … incredibly smart, extremely sensitive, frighteningly witty and wise beyond his years. But there is one thing Baily is not … Baily is not a good eater! Baily is more than picky … he is … well, he is … impossible! If I could go as long without caring about food as he does, I would put America’s Next Top Model to shame! Baily is a stinker about meals.
Now, since ‘creativity’ is the talent required most frequently (second only to ‘flexibility’ and the art of ‘distraction’) in effective parenting – I have developed some tricks of the trade, so to speak. And the one I pull out of my sleeve when I’m trying to coax Baily to eat something - anything - when he turns down the traditional offerings of breakfast, lunch or dinner is … the ‘special snack’!
Baily has never turned down a ‘special snack’!
Same food. Same purpose. Different delivery! (It’s all in the delivery, folks! Write that hint down for future reference … free of charge and on the house!)
So, back to the bathtub – it just happens to be one of Baily’s favorite places to eat a ‘special snack’. (In all honesty, I think it could be because this is one of the only places I can keep him immobilized long enough to get the job done!) And the other day, from underneath a pile of Mr. Bubble suds, he asked, “Hey Mom, can you make me a special snack?” Need I tell you that when Baily is volunteering to eat, the answer is always “YES!?”
I ran downstairs to the kitchen, gathered up my feast … some turkey lunchmeat, some string cheese, some strawberries … and I began to chop. One of the traits of the special snack is that it is always comprised of small pieces of finger foods! Makes it so much more fun that way!
It was about lunch time, so I decided I would join Baily for a tub-side picnic. (Some quality ‘Mommy and Me’ time was about to take place for sure.) I chopped and I sliced … I sliced and I chopped, until I had made enough for the both of us and then I went to open the cupboard where I keep my paper plates to grab a couple like I would normally do for a snack … but I stopped short!
Suddenly choirs began to play, angels began to sing and rays of light came down from the ceiling – as an entirely different cupboard beckoned me today … it was the ‘good stuff’ cupboard! Oh, we never go into that cupboard except on special occasions!!!
A smile came over my face as I opened the cabinet and retrieved two of my very best hand-painted china plates and took them down. Got that ‘rollercoaster’ feeling in my tummy. Felt a bit devilish. This was going to be good!
Quickly I arranged the food on the two plates and skipped up back up the stairs to present the goodies to my little man. Announcing my arrival before I even entered the bathroom, “Here comes your ‘special snack’!” … I could see the anticipation on Baily’s face.
Then I set down the fancy plates. His eyes got wide. His brow furled briefly. And finally the grin appeared from ear to ear. “Wow, Mom – we never use the good stuff, what’s the occasion?”
I reached out and roughed up his half-soggy hair. “You are, Baily,” I answered. “You are worth using the good stuff.”
The gratitude shined from his eyes. His face softened. “I Love you, Mom – you’re the best mom in the whole world,” he said.
Right then? I felt like it!
So today … find a reason to use the ‘good stuff’. Get it out, dust it off – and put it to good use! You are so worth it!
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – You know, when you get yourself into the magical, feel good ‘flow’ … every day becomes … a ‘special occasion’!
Baily is my baby. Baily is a lot of things … incredibly smart, extremely sensitive, frighteningly witty and wise beyond his years. But there is one thing Baily is not … Baily is not a good eater! Baily is more than picky … he is … well, he is … impossible! If I could go as long without caring about food as he does, I would put America’s Next Top Model to shame! Baily is a stinker about meals.
Now, since ‘creativity’ is the talent required most frequently (second only to ‘flexibility’ and the art of ‘distraction’) in effective parenting – I have developed some tricks of the trade, so to speak. And the one I pull out of my sleeve when I’m trying to coax Baily to eat something - anything - when he turns down the traditional offerings of breakfast, lunch or dinner is … the ‘special snack’!
Baily has never turned down a ‘special snack’!
Same food. Same purpose. Different delivery! (It’s all in the delivery, folks! Write that hint down for future reference … free of charge and on the house!)
So, back to the bathtub – it just happens to be one of Baily’s favorite places to eat a ‘special snack’. (In all honesty, I think it could be because this is one of the only places I can keep him immobilized long enough to get the job done!) And the other day, from underneath a pile of Mr. Bubble suds, he asked, “Hey Mom, can you make me a special snack?” Need I tell you that when Baily is volunteering to eat, the answer is always “YES!?”
I ran downstairs to the kitchen, gathered up my feast … some turkey lunchmeat, some string cheese, some strawberries … and I began to chop. One of the traits of the special snack is that it is always comprised of small pieces of finger foods! Makes it so much more fun that way!
It was about lunch time, so I decided I would join Baily for a tub-side picnic. (Some quality ‘Mommy and Me’ time was about to take place for sure.) I chopped and I sliced … I sliced and I chopped, until I had made enough for the both of us and then I went to open the cupboard where I keep my paper plates to grab a couple like I would normally do for a snack … but I stopped short!
Suddenly choirs began to play, angels began to sing and rays of light came down from the ceiling – as an entirely different cupboard beckoned me today … it was the ‘good stuff’ cupboard! Oh, we never go into that cupboard except on special occasions!!!
A smile came over my face as I opened the cabinet and retrieved two of my very best hand-painted china plates and took them down. Got that ‘rollercoaster’ feeling in my tummy. Felt a bit devilish. This was going to be good!
Quickly I arranged the food on the two plates and skipped up back up the stairs to present the goodies to my little man. Announcing my arrival before I even entered the bathroom, “Here comes your ‘special snack’!” … I could see the anticipation on Baily’s face.
Then I set down the fancy plates. His eyes got wide. His brow furled briefly. And finally the grin appeared from ear to ear. “Wow, Mom – we never use the good stuff, what’s the occasion?”
I reached out and roughed up his half-soggy hair. “You are, Baily,” I answered. “You are worth using the good stuff.”
The gratitude shined from his eyes. His face softened. “I Love you, Mom – you’re the best mom in the whole world,” he said.
Right then? I felt like it!
So today … find a reason to use the ‘good stuff’. Get it out, dust it off – and put it to good use! You are so worth it!
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – You know, when you get yourself into the magical, feel good ‘flow’ … every day becomes … a ‘special occasion’!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Secret
To me, there is a huge difference between ‘attracting’ something and ‘pursuing’ something. One will bring you great success … one will bring you great exhaustion.
(Perhaps that should be on a fortune cookie! Ah … my writing career branches out again!) ;-)
I spent a long time today talking with a fellow personal coach who is experiencing some difficulty taking his career to the next level … at least that’s what he thinks his trouble is.
He can tell me in detail about the all the ‘tasks’ that he needs to complete in order to grow professionally … promote his book, research marketing sources, create new products, find new clients, etc., etc., etc. … Blech! Sounds like a lot of hard W-O-R-K to me!!!
And he can tell me about all the roadblocks that are ‘preventing him from getting there’. Lack of technical skills, financial limitations, time limitations.
Well, me thinks me knows better!
Truth be told … (and I’m a big one on the truth … even when it stings a little!) the current vibration of energy this lovely man is putting forth in the world right now is about equal to that of ‘Eeyore’ the donkey from Winnie the Pooh!
Are you getting what I’m saying?
Would you want to be coached by Eeyore?
This coach has temporarily misplaced his passion underneath a pile of ‘shoulds’ and ‘to do’s’ … and his spirit is gathering dust.
And as I listened to him share all these ‘things’ that he thinks he needs to make happen in order for him to be happy, I couldn’t help but wonder about something …
Where in his lengthy agenda was there even one mention about the very reason he became a coach in the first place? … his love for all the people who needed his help?
His career had suddenly become … all about him.
Red flag. Red flag.
So I asked him a question …
If you took half of a day for yourself, what could you do that you haven't done in a long time, that would tickle you pink and knock your socks off?!
His response? …
Should know, but I don’t.
Next question …
If you keep choosing to put all your energy into the impossibility of the obstacles right in front of you, how are you ever going to make it past them and down the path to your ultimate destination?
His response? …
Never will. Even I know that.
Last, and probably most important question …
If you as a coach are selling happiness, peace and prosperity, how can you give to others what you do not have yourself?
… still waiting to hear the response to that one.
The prescription?
1) Two hours of time spent outside, barefoot in the dirt, sand, grass – whatever – spending some ‘play’ time. No agendas! (Just some time to get back in touch with his own passion.)
2) Shifting his focus back onto how to ATTRACT his clients, readers, followers ... not how to hunt them down. It doesn't matter where they're hanging out right now. When he puts out the right energy, THEY will find HIM! It’s simple magnetics.
If he listened, all I did was repeat to him … The Secret…
When you feel irresistible ... you become irresistible!
And the best part is, you don't have to be a coach to take this prescription!
Today, take some time to get back in touch with your own passion ... and as it grows ... you too will become irresistible to others!
Then let’s see where the path takes you! I guarantee it will lead you to amazing and wondrous places you haven’t even imagined yet! I think I will take my shoes off and join him!
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – It’s not that I don’t adore Eeyore, it’s just that I’d rather watch him than follow him!
(Perhaps that should be on a fortune cookie! Ah … my writing career branches out again!) ;-)
I spent a long time today talking with a fellow personal coach who is experiencing some difficulty taking his career to the next level … at least that’s what he thinks his trouble is.
He can tell me in detail about the all the ‘tasks’ that he needs to complete in order to grow professionally … promote his book, research marketing sources, create new products, find new clients, etc., etc., etc. … Blech! Sounds like a lot of hard W-O-R-K to me!!!
And he can tell me about all the roadblocks that are ‘preventing him from getting there’. Lack of technical skills, financial limitations, time limitations.
Well, me thinks me knows better!
Truth be told … (and I’m a big one on the truth … even when it stings a little!) the current vibration of energy this lovely man is putting forth in the world right now is about equal to that of ‘Eeyore’ the donkey from Winnie the Pooh!
Are you getting what I’m saying?
Would you want to be coached by Eeyore?
This coach has temporarily misplaced his passion underneath a pile of ‘shoulds’ and ‘to do’s’ … and his spirit is gathering dust.
And as I listened to him share all these ‘things’ that he thinks he needs to make happen in order for him to be happy, I couldn’t help but wonder about something …
Where in his lengthy agenda was there even one mention about the very reason he became a coach in the first place? … his love for all the people who needed his help?
His career had suddenly become … all about him.
Red flag. Red flag.
So I asked him a question …
If you took half of a day for yourself, what could you do that you haven't done in a long time, that would tickle you pink and knock your socks off?!
His response? …
Should know, but I don’t.
Next question …
If you keep choosing to put all your energy into the impossibility of the obstacles right in front of you, how are you ever going to make it past them and down the path to your ultimate destination?
His response? …
Never will. Even I know that.
Last, and probably most important question …
If you as a coach are selling happiness, peace and prosperity, how can you give to others what you do not have yourself?
… still waiting to hear the response to that one.
The prescription?
1) Two hours of time spent outside, barefoot in the dirt, sand, grass – whatever – spending some ‘play’ time. No agendas! (Just some time to get back in touch with his own passion.)
2) Shifting his focus back onto how to ATTRACT his clients, readers, followers ... not how to hunt them down. It doesn't matter where they're hanging out right now. When he puts out the right energy, THEY will find HIM! It’s simple magnetics.
If he listened, all I did was repeat to him … The Secret…
When you feel irresistible ... you become irresistible!
And the best part is, you don't have to be a coach to take this prescription!
Today, take some time to get back in touch with your own passion ... and as it grows ... you too will become irresistible to others!
Then let’s see where the path takes you! I guarantee it will lead you to amazing and wondrous places you haven’t even imagined yet! I think I will take my shoes off and join him!
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – It’s not that I don’t adore Eeyore, it’s just that I’d rather watch him than follow him!
The Power In Partnership
The Power of Partnership
Today, a very special friend of mine whom I met in the business arena came to me and ever so sweetly and powerfully pitched the idea of partnership. Initially, I was a bit floored … not because I wasn’t interested, (far from!) but because I simply wasn’t expecting the invitation. Unsolicited gifts are always the best … and a sure sign from the Universe that God is listening!
We spent about an hour having a very passionate talk about our goals and our dreams, but just barely braising the surface of hundreds … no maybe thousands … of ideas that we have the potential to create together as we begin a joint journey. Each of us has strengths and talents of our own. Individually, we are successful in our own right and can accomplish much, but together – our capabilities are virtually unlimited.
Just thinking about that humbles me and excites me … all at the same time!
It took my pal to remind me that just because Ican do things by myself … doesn’t mean I always have to! And what I can’t do alone … through the power of partnership … we can do magically together.
Reminds me of one of those great kid stories I keep promising you that will drive the idea home, so here you go … picture this …
When my triplets were toddlers, everything was done ‘boot camp’ style. Feed, feed, feed – diaper, diaper, diaper … diaper, diaper, diaper … diaper, diaper … oh, sorry – got stuck for a moment in the old routine! (At the high point, I was changing 126 diapers a week, give or take 3 or 4!) Anyhow – to save time and for the sake of my sanity, I would always give them a bath together too.
(Yes! I have tons of naked blackmail photos that I wield over their teenage heads on a regular basis from this era!)
Once they got clean … and were thoroughly finished making a soggy mess of the bathroom floor … I would scoop each one out, wrap them lovingly in a fluffy towel and herd them into their bedroom for pajamas, pajamas, pajamas! =)
One night I will never forget – I had just dried everyone off and was collecting the wet towels before getting them ready for bed. The laundry room was only one doorway down the hall. I watched 3 little baby bottoms running around the bedroom, busy and giggling and thought, in a moment of what I see now in retrospect as maternal insanity , ’I can make it’!!!
Faster than light I darted out of the bedroom into the laundry room, opened the hamper lid, stuffed the towels inside, closed it again and returned to their bedroom.
Note to self … BIG MISTAKE!!!!
What I walked back into was a site I will never forget. One dresser drawer being held open by Lynzee. One grinning face on Hunter, who had just given his sister a two-handed hike. And Dakota … standing in all her naked glory on top of the dresser … lampshade in one hand … unscrewing the lightbulb with the other! Chinese acrobats? No. Partnership? You bet!
What one cannot do alone, two can do easily … and three can do spectacularly! I’ve see the living proof!
So, I challenge you today … pick something BIG you want to do in your life, but don’t think you can by yourself… (Don’t stop at lightbulbs … stretch with me here, okay?) Approach someone, offer the idea of partnership … and see what magic occurs next.
I can almost promise you that it will be an illuminating experience for both of you! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!!!)
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – My pal says “1+1=11”. He says he stole that saying from someone … and I like it so I’m stealing it from him. If you like it, feel free to steal it from me. Psssst … pass it on!
Today, a very special friend of mine whom I met in the business arena came to me and ever so sweetly and powerfully pitched the idea of partnership. Initially, I was a bit floored … not because I wasn’t interested, (far from!) but because I simply wasn’t expecting the invitation. Unsolicited gifts are always the best … and a sure sign from the Universe that God is listening!
We spent about an hour having a very passionate talk about our goals and our dreams, but just barely braising the surface of hundreds … no maybe thousands … of ideas that we have the potential to create together as we begin a joint journey. Each of us has strengths and talents of our own. Individually, we are successful in our own right and can accomplish much, but together – our capabilities are virtually unlimited.
Just thinking about that humbles me and excites me … all at the same time!
It took my pal to remind me that just because Ican do things by myself … doesn’t mean I always have to! And what I can’t do alone … through the power of partnership … we can do magically together.
Reminds me of one of those great kid stories I keep promising you that will drive the idea home, so here you go … picture this …
When my triplets were toddlers, everything was done ‘boot camp’ style. Feed, feed, feed – diaper, diaper, diaper … diaper, diaper, diaper … diaper, diaper … oh, sorry – got stuck for a moment in the old routine! (At the high point, I was changing 126 diapers a week, give or take 3 or 4!) Anyhow – to save time and for the sake of my sanity, I would always give them a bath together too.
(Yes! I have tons of naked blackmail photos that I wield over their teenage heads on a regular basis from this era!)
Once they got clean … and were thoroughly finished making a soggy mess of the bathroom floor … I would scoop each one out, wrap them lovingly in a fluffy towel and herd them into their bedroom for pajamas, pajamas, pajamas! =)
One night I will never forget – I had just dried everyone off and was collecting the wet towels before getting them ready for bed. The laundry room was only one doorway down the hall. I watched 3 little baby bottoms running around the bedroom, busy and giggling and thought, in a moment of what I see now in retrospect as maternal insanity , ’I can make it’!!!
Faster than light I darted out of the bedroom into the laundry room, opened the hamper lid, stuffed the towels inside, closed it again and returned to their bedroom.
Note to self … BIG MISTAKE!!!!
What I walked back into was a site I will never forget. One dresser drawer being held open by Lynzee. One grinning face on Hunter, who had just given his sister a two-handed hike. And Dakota … standing in all her naked glory on top of the dresser … lampshade in one hand … unscrewing the lightbulb with the other! Chinese acrobats? No. Partnership? You bet!
What one cannot do alone, two can do easily … and three can do spectacularly! I’ve see the living proof!
So, I challenge you today … pick something BIG you want to do in your life, but don’t think you can by yourself… (Don’t stop at lightbulbs … stretch with me here, okay?) Approach someone, offer the idea of partnership … and see what magic occurs next.
I can almost promise you that it will be an illuminating experience for both of you! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!!!)
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – My pal says “1+1=11”. He says he stole that saying from someone … and I like it so I’m stealing it from him. If you like it, feel free to steal it from me. Psssst … pass it on!
Good Things Come In Threes
Good Things Come In Threes!
They say good things come in threes … and I can certainly attest to the truth of that statement! Mine are a set of triplets named Dakota, Lynzee and Hunter.
Now, truth be told, I do have five children all together, but I’ve come to accept that it is a natural reaction when others find out about the fact that I have triplets, for curiosity to take over and ten burning questions seem to always come blurting out spontaneously. I will happily answer them for you today, but this brings to mind, an amusing memory.
I specifically remember one trip we took to the San Diego Zoo when the babies were about a year old. (Now, as a disclaimer, I have to admit we were somewhat of a spectacle anywhere we went back in those days. Baby stroller the size of a Cadillac – not one, not two, but three seats in a row, front to back. Three babbling little beings … so friendly … and such total hams!!! ) On this day, though - it seemed we were one of the main attractions!
Dakota and Lynzee are identical twins, so they were a matched pair. Hunter was the man of the bunch, content to let his sisters take center stage much of the time. Hmmm … even though they’re almost 16 years old now, not much has changed! I’m thinking that’s just because there’s no way to get a word in edgewise around two teenaged drama queens!! Poor guy!
On the day in question, we entered the front gates of the zoo like everyone else, but it wasn’t long until we’d been discovered. Going incognito is out when you’re toting that many bodies, so what do you do? Grin and bear it. Within moments we were literally surrounded by a crowd of people.
People began pointing and touching and oooing and awing – and yes, asking those ten dreaded questions that I answered almost daily. At this point I remember my Mom leaning over to me and saying, Kim – I’m going to make you up a flyer … “Ten things you want to know about my triplets” and we will hang then in a folder off the back of the stroller! Then, when you get mobbed, you can just silently hand them out and keep walking! (Mom wasn’t too indulgent that day!)
Anyhow, I think the icing on the cake was when a large group of Japanese businessmen (obviously tourists) asked (by way of charades … I don’t speak Japanese!) if they could take a photograph with us to take back to their homeland. It was at that particular moment, as we posed for … the entire country of Japan … that I recall thinking , ‘is this as unusual as people seem to think it is?’
So now, in answer to that one question and the other top nine … I give you my ‘triplet trivia’!
1) Q - How common is it to have triplets?
A- Approximately 1 in 8,100.
2) Q – Were you taking fertility medication?
A – Nope, just lucky, I guess. They happened spontaneously!
3) Q – Do triplets run in your family?
A – Ready for a good laugh? I’m an only child!!
4) Q -How early did you know you were having triplets?
A – at about 8 weeks when I was waking up at midnight craving roast beef sandwiches!
5) Q- Are they identical or fraternal?
A- The girls are identical (one egg that split – they were in the same sack). My son was fraternal. Identicals must be the same sex.
6) Q - How many weeks did you make it before delivering?
A – 34 ½!
7) Q – Did you have them naturally?
A – Had to have a C-Section. The doctors won’t even let you attempt natural birth with anything more than twins!
8) Q – Did you have to go on bed rest or in the hospital early?
A – Nope – woke up the morning of my scheduled amniocentesis in labor at 4 a.m. – delivered the next morning.
9) Q – How many minutes apart were they born?
A – One! 9:15 a.m., 9:16 a.m., and 9:17 a.m. (and don’ t think that one minute in the birth order doesn’t make a difference to them … the oldest holds that 60 seconds over the others’ heads on a daily basis!)
10) Q – How much did they weigh?
A – 3 lbs. 10 oz., 3 lbs. 7 oz. and 2lbs. 14 oz. … and the boy was the smallest!
A few other interesting facts?
I was one of three women pregnant with spontaneous triplets … all due within 2 weeks of one another at our hospital. The hospital hadn’t had a set of triplets born there in over 11 years!
No – you do not sleep for the first 6 months when you have triplets!! (Keep in mind that I had a 2 year old when they were born!)
Only got the girls mixed up one time – tried to feed the same baby twice! (Give me a break, I was tired!!!
Okay, there you go … now you know about my triplets, and a little more about me. I have such stories about these maniacs!!! Cheap entertainment! Trust me … the best is yet to come!
So thought for the day today? Good things come in threes! Don’t doubt it … even if you think the odds are against you!!!
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P. S. – Hey, start counting your ‘good things’ right now … you could be to three before you know it!!!
They say good things come in threes … and I can certainly attest to the truth of that statement! Mine are a set of triplets named Dakota, Lynzee and Hunter.
Now, truth be told, I do have five children all together, but I’ve come to accept that it is a natural reaction when others find out about the fact that I have triplets, for curiosity to take over and ten burning questions seem to always come blurting out spontaneously. I will happily answer them for you today, but this brings to mind, an amusing memory.
I specifically remember one trip we took to the San Diego Zoo when the babies were about a year old. (Now, as a disclaimer, I have to admit we were somewhat of a spectacle anywhere we went back in those days. Baby stroller the size of a Cadillac – not one, not two, but three seats in a row, front to back. Three babbling little beings … so friendly … and such total hams!!! ) On this day, though - it seemed we were one of the main attractions!
Dakota and Lynzee are identical twins, so they were a matched pair. Hunter was the man of the bunch, content to let his sisters take center stage much of the time. Hmmm … even though they’re almost 16 years old now, not much has changed! I’m thinking that’s just because there’s no way to get a word in edgewise around two teenaged drama queens!! Poor guy!
On the day in question, we entered the front gates of the zoo like everyone else, but it wasn’t long until we’d been discovered. Going incognito is out when you’re toting that many bodies, so what do you do? Grin and bear it. Within moments we were literally surrounded by a crowd of people.
People began pointing and touching and oooing and awing – and yes, asking those ten dreaded questions that I answered almost daily. At this point I remember my Mom leaning over to me and saying, Kim – I’m going to make you up a flyer … “Ten things you want to know about my triplets” and we will hang then in a folder off the back of the stroller! Then, when you get mobbed, you can just silently hand them out and keep walking! (Mom wasn’t too indulgent that day!)
Anyhow, I think the icing on the cake was when a large group of Japanese businessmen (obviously tourists) asked (by way of charades … I don’t speak Japanese!) if they could take a photograph with us to take back to their homeland. It was at that particular moment, as we posed for … the entire country of Japan … that I recall thinking , ‘is this as unusual as people seem to think it is?’
So now, in answer to that one question and the other top nine … I give you my ‘triplet trivia’!
1) Q - How common is it to have triplets?
A- Approximately 1 in 8,100.
2) Q – Were you taking fertility medication?
A – Nope, just lucky, I guess. They happened spontaneously!
3) Q – Do triplets run in your family?
A – Ready for a good laugh? I’m an only child!!
4) Q -How early did you know you were having triplets?
A – at about 8 weeks when I was waking up at midnight craving roast beef sandwiches!
5) Q- Are they identical or fraternal?
A- The girls are identical (one egg that split – they were in the same sack). My son was fraternal. Identicals must be the same sex.
6) Q - How many weeks did you make it before delivering?
A – 34 ½!
7) Q – Did you have them naturally?
A – Had to have a C-Section. The doctors won’t even let you attempt natural birth with anything more than twins!
8) Q – Did you have to go on bed rest or in the hospital early?
A – Nope – woke up the morning of my scheduled amniocentesis in labor at 4 a.m. – delivered the next morning.
9) Q – How many minutes apart were they born?
A – One! 9:15 a.m., 9:16 a.m., and 9:17 a.m. (and don’ t think that one minute in the birth order doesn’t make a difference to them … the oldest holds that 60 seconds over the others’ heads on a daily basis!)
10) Q – How much did they weigh?
A – 3 lbs. 10 oz., 3 lbs. 7 oz. and 2lbs. 14 oz. … and the boy was the smallest!
A few other interesting facts?
I was one of three women pregnant with spontaneous triplets … all due within 2 weeks of one another at our hospital. The hospital hadn’t had a set of triplets born there in over 11 years!
No – you do not sleep for the first 6 months when you have triplets!! (Keep in mind that I had a 2 year old when they were born!)
Only got the girls mixed up one time – tried to feed the same baby twice! (Give me a break, I was tired!!!
Okay, there you go … now you know about my triplets, and a little more about me. I have such stories about these maniacs!!! Cheap entertainment! Trust me … the best is yet to come!
So thought for the day today? Good things come in threes! Don’t doubt it … even if you think the odds are against you!!!
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P. S. – Hey, start counting your ‘good things’ right now … you could be to three before you know it!!!
When You're Not Watching
My oldest daughter, 18 and about to graduate from high school (someone pass me a tissue!), pleasantly surprised me the other day.
Those of you who have teenagers have probably already traveled down the same road I have over the past two years. Once your child has a car, you never seem to see them anymore. In my house, we joke that Sydni’s car is her ‘apartment on wheels’! She only stops in to graze from the fridge, throw in a load of laundry, take a quick shower and sleep … if she can stay still long enough.
At first it bothered me that she was never, ever home to hang out with Dear Old Mom like she had in the past. But then, in my infinite wisdom, I reframed something. Teenagers with cars are God’s way of preparing Moms and Dads for the inevitable ‘move out’. It just breaks you in gently!
Anyhow, it was about 10:30 a.m. last Saturday and Sydni called me from her cell phone. She was at the carwash. “Mom,” she said, “can I ask you a question?”
Secretly smiling to myself that we may have reached the age where Mom once again knows something … anything … I answered humbly. “Sure, Sweetie – what?”
“Well, I am parked in the lot about ready to get into the long line here at the carwash. I am cleaning out all the trash and stuff from my car and guess what I found?”
My mind flashes me several visuals … some amusing, some not!
“What did you find?” Mom asks, nervously.
“I found thirty dollars! It was underneath the floor mat in the passenger seat of my car by the center console.”
“Great!” I replied, “What’s the question?”
“Well, should I keep it? I mean, I don’t remember losing $30.00 recently, and you know I drive everyone around in my car – what if it belongs to one of my friends … should I call all my friends and ask them if they lost money? It’s probably been in here for a long time.”
I smiled. Thought to myself, ‘Ah, you’ve done good, Mom! Daughter number one is an honest cookie!’
Now what was quite timely here was that just the night before, Sydni and I had a long discussion about how she is always the one who is expected to drive everyone in her group everywhere they go. Her friends look to her for taxi service – partially because she is sweet and kind and safe – and partially because they are not nearly as motivated to work and make money as she is. They never just offer to pay for gas.
“Sydni,” I said, “Trust me when I tell you that when you ask a typical group of teenagers ‘Who lost thirty bucks?’ … they all lost thirty bucks! Honey, that money was a gift from the Universe for being generous and caring … and for carting around every kid in our town when they don’t have a way home from school.”
“Are you sure, Mom? What if someone comes to me next week and says they’re missing money?”
“Then give it back, Syd. But if not … it’s from heaven … and just for you! Now go tell them you want the super deluxe wash, buy yourself an iced tea and a magazine, find a sunny corner out on the patio, and wait for your car to be done – and today, it’s on God!”
And … that’s exactly what she did.
After I hung up the phone, I spent a minute in gratitude. And one thought filled my head … and my heart …
It’s what they do when you’re not looking that counts.
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - As their character is being shaped, it's not so much what the parent says, but what the children see them do that matters.
Those of you who have teenagers have probably already traveled down the same road I have over the past two years. Once your child has a car, you never seem to see them anymore. In my house, we joke that Sydni’s car is her ‘apartment on wheels’! She only stops in to graze from the fridge, throw in a load of laundry, take a quick shower and sleep … if she can stay still long enough.
At first it bothered me that she was never, ever home to hang out with Dear Old Mom like she had in the past. But then, in my infinite wisdom, I reframed something. Teenagers with cars are God’s way of preparing Moms and Dads for the inevitable ‘move out’. It just breaks you in gently!
Anyhow, it was about 10:30 a.m. last Saturday and Sydni called me from her cell phone. She was at the carwash. “Mom,” she said, “can I ask you a question?”
Secretly smiling to myself that we may have reached the age where Mom once again knows something … anything … I answered humbly. “Sure, Sweetie – what?”
“Well, I am parked in the lot about ready to get into the long line here at the carwash. I am cleaning out all the trash and stuff from my car and guess what I found?”
My mind flashes me several visuals … some amusing, some not!
“What did you find?” Mom asks, nervously.
“I found thirty dollars! It was underneath the floor mat in the passenger seat of my car by the center console.”
“Great!” I replied, “What’s the question?”
“Well, should I keep it? I mean, I don’t remember losing $30.00 recently, and you know I drive everyone around in my car – what if it belongs to one of my friends … should I call all my friends and ask them if they lost money? It’s probably been in here for a long time.”
I smiled. Thought to myself, ‘Ah, you’ve done good, Mom! Daughter number one is an honest cookie!’
Now what was quite timely here was that just the night before, Sydni and I had a long discussion about how she is always the one who is expected to drive everyone in her group everywhere they go. Her friends look to her for taxi service – partially because she is sweet and kind and safe – and partially because they are not nearly as motivated to work and make money as she is. They never just offer to pay for gas.
“Sydni,” I said, “Trust me when I tell you that when you ask a typical group of teenagers ‘Who lost thirty bucks?’ … they all lost thirty bucks! Honey, that money was a gift from the Universe for being generous and caring … and for carting around every kid in our town when they don’t have a way home from school.”
“Are you sure, Mom? What if someone comes to me next week and says they’re missing money?”
“Then give it back, Syd. But if not … it’s from heaven … and just for you! Now go tell them you want the super deluxe wash, buy yourself an iced tea and a magazine, find a sunny corner out on the patio, and wait for your car to be done – and today, it’s on God!”
And … that’s exactly what she did.
After I hung up the phone, I spent a minute in gratitude. And one thought filled my head … and my heart …
It’s what they do when you’re not looking that counts.
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - As their character is being shaped, it's not so much what the parent says, but what the children see them do that matters.
What Would Love Do Now
Yesterday, while I was on the phone with a friend, he asked me a question … having never before discussed a certain fact that I revealed about myself in a recent piece of writing. Knowing me as my ‘Good Girl – Earth Mother’ self, his question (coming from a place of curiosity - not judgment) was this …
“What exactly happened that brought you to a place in your life where you were willing to ‘throw down’ with a guy who had been in prison?”
Fair question, I admit, because it does seem quite out of character for my lifestyle … and I struggled hard to encapsulate the entire experience and offer an adequate answer that would do it justice the way it deserved to be answered. I lived it, I understood it, I knew it intimately … but I had a hard time, initially, putting it into words.
I told him the story of how I had met this man, developed a relationship with him, and eventually, how we parted ways – and then I summed my experience up in this one thought …
“I guess I believe that sometimes God sends bright stars into very dark places.”
I knew he understood just what I meant.
So here now, is my story of how I met Christopher (and others) who were every bit as much a gift for me as I hope I was for them …
Until two years ago, what I knew about prison could fit in a thimble - I had never even known someone who'd been in jail. But in the spring of 2006, when I decided to have a pool put in my backyard and hired a well-known, local pool builder to do the job, that would all change.
For anyone who’s ever had a pool built, you already understand what I mean when I say that the process seems to take on a life of its own. Building a pool is a major undertaking – and your crew becomes a familiar part of the landscape, being as they are there daily for a couple of months while beauty gets created.
As it turned out, the man who became my pool project manager had been in prison in the past, and to be honest, I don’t even remember exactly what for. Since that time, he had gotten out and was doing a great job of making a life for himself, his girlfriend and son. I had a lot of admiration for that, and over the months, we became friends. Close friends.
He spent a lot of time in my yard because he said that it was a ‘feel good’ place. He absolutely loved the way I accepted him and never judged him or treated him with any disrespect, even knowing his past – it was something he wasn’t used to. As we got to know each other better and the pool project neared the end, he knew that I was going to need a lot of landscaping work done - sprinklers, etc. - so he approached me one day with a question.
I could tell he was nervous, there was an obvious risk of rejection, but he gathered up the courage and spit it out. He said that he had a few friends that were going to be getting out of prison soon – explained that they would be needing to find honest jobs, and asked me if I would be willing to give them a chance to do the ditch digging, pipe laying etc., so that they could get on their feet.
It wasn’t a long process to determine what my response would be. I asked myself the same question Neale Donald Walsch was told by God (in Conversations With God)to consider in every situation …
What would Love do now?
My answer? ‘Of course. As long as they gave me a day's labor, I'll give them a day's pay. Bring them around.’
So, over the next 4 months, I met and became what I would call friend, to five more ex-convicts in total. (One of them being Christopher.) Perhaps the first real friend they had ever had.
I shared my house with them during the day, shared my family with them, cooked for them, helped them get to their court dates, worked on re-building their belief in themselves, etc.
I served them just as they served me. I treated them with respect. And it was empowering … for all of us.
From them, I expected trustworthiness – I set my standards high. And, guess what? They were always trustworthy around my home and my family. It’s amazing the miracle that happens when you can see in others what they cannot see in themselves. I was teaching by example, by modeling.
There is an old saying “Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day, teach him how to fish he’ll eat forever.”
I did not just feed bread to these men … I broke bread with them. And I got to sit front row to watch the ‘soul changes’ take place. All I can say now is, what an honor.
One thing I’m sure of … no matter what becomes of each of their lives … they were not the same when they left my home as when they arrived – and I credit Love for that.
And that is the story of how I came to ‘throw down’ with the chain gang!
Good men.
Bad childhoods.
Wounded spirits.
Desperate souls.
Brilliant potential.
So, the next time you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation, and you are unsure what the right course of action is, ask yourself but one question …
What would Love do now?
And the answer will come easily. God will surely speak volumes into your heart.
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - No man, regardless of his outward appearance, is ever any less than a bright star in the making!
“What exactly happened that brought you to a place in your life where you were willing to ‘throw down’ with a guy who had been in prison?”
Fair question, I admit, because it does seem quite out of character for my lifestyle … and I struggled hard to encapsulate the entire experience and offer an adequate answer that would do it justice the way it deserved to be answered. I lived it, I understood it, I knew it intimately … but I had a hard time, initially, putting it into words.
I told him the story of how I had met this man, developed a relationship with him, and eventually, how we parted ways – and then I summed my experience up in this one thought …
“I guess I believe that sometimes God sends bright stars into very dark places.”
I knew he understood just what I meant.
So here now, is my story of how I met Christopher (and others) who were every bit as much a gift for me as I hope I was for them …
Until two years ago, what I knew about prison could fit in a thimble - I had never even known someone who'd been in jail. But in the spring of 2006, when I decided to have a pool put in my backyard and hired a well-known, local pool builder to do the job, that would all change.
For anyone who’s ever had a pool built, you already understand what I mean when I say that the process seems to take on a life of its own. Building a pool is a major undertaking – and your crew becomes a familiar part of the landscape, being as they are there daily for a couple of months while beauty gets created.
As it turned out, the man who became my pool project manager had been in prison in the past, and to be honest, I don’t even remember exactly what for. Since that time, he had gotten out and was doing a great job of making a life for himself, his girlfriend and son. I had a lot of admiration for that, and over the months, we became friends. Close friends.
He spent a lot of time in my yard because he said that it was a ‘feel good’ place. He absolutely loved the way I accepted him and never judged him or treated him with any disrespect, even knowing his past – it was something he wasn’t used to. As we got to know each other better and the pool project neared the end, he knew that I was going to need a lot of landscaping work done - sprinklers, etc. - so he approached me one day with a question.
I could tell he was nervous, there was an obvious risk of rejection, but he gathered up the courage and spit it out. He said that he had a few friends that were going to be getting out of prison soon – explained that they would be needing to find honest jobs, and asked me if I would be willing to give them a chance to do the ditch digging, pipe laying etc., so that they could get on their feet.
It wasn’t a long process to determine what my response would be. I asked myself the same question Neale Donald Walsch was told by God (in Conversations With God)to consider in every situation …
What would Love do now?
My answer? ‘Of course. As long as they gave me a day's labor, I'll give them a day's pay. Bring them around.’
So, over the next 4 months, I met and became what I would call friend, to five more ex-convicts in total. (One of them being Christopher.) Perhaps the first real friend they had ever had.
I shared my house with them during the day, shared my family with them, cooked for them, helped them get to their court dates, worked on re-building their belief in themselves, etc.
I served them just as they served me. I treated them with respect. And it was empowering … for all of us.
From them, I expected trustworthiness – I set my standards high. And, guess what? They were always trustworthy around my home and my family. It’s amazing the miracle that happens when you can see in others what they cannot see in themselves. I was teaching by example, by modeling.
There is an old saying “Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day, teach him how to fish he’ll eat forever.”
I did not just feed bread to these men … I broke bread with them. And I got to sit front row to watch the ‘soul changes’ take place. All I can say now is, what an honor.
One thing I’m sure of … no matter what becomes of each of their lives … they were not the same when they left my home as when they arrived – and I credit Love for that.
And that is the story of how I came to ‘throw down’ with the chain gang!
Good men.
Bad childhoods.
Wounded spirits.
Desperate souls.
Brilliant potential.
So, the next time you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation, and you are unsure what the right course of action is, ask yourself but one question …
What would Love do now?
And the answer will come easily. God will surely speak volumes into your heart.
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - No man, regardless of his outward appearance, is ever any less than a bright star in the making!
What The Ice Cream Man Should Know
A few days ago my Mom and I were sitting talking in the house when we heard the local ice cream truck coming down the street.
We all know the familiar sound of the ice cream truck … those unmistakable carnival-like tunes – sort of like an old music box that got wound too tightly and changes speed from time to time … without any assistance from the operator of the vehicle!
Casually I glanced up at the clock. It was only about 9:30 a.m.
Hmmmmmm … this brought three consecutive thoughts to mind.
My first thought was, ‘Wow – I haven’t seen the ice cream man around here in months.’
My second thought was ,‘9:30 in the morning? Isn’t that a strange time for the ice cream man to come by?’
My third thought was, ‘Why are my kids not running out here to ask me for money for ice cream?!’
Now, it is true that at this point, I have 4 teenagers in my bunch, but everyone knows you don’t out-grow buying ice cream from the ice cream man until you are about 28 years old … which is just about the time your own kids are becoming old enough to buy ice cream from the ice cream man … and, of course – you have to start all over again and show them the ropes! Wink, wink!
So I said to my Mom - “Remember last summer when the ice cream man came each day for about a 2 weeks in a row around 3:30 in the afternoon?” Naturally, we were out there to buy from him everyday. We even got a cool ‘punch card’! (You know the type, a ‘Buy 10, get 1 FREE’ deal!)
We would wait for him...
Listen for him ...
Look for him …
Drool!
Then, the moment we heard that rickety little truck turn the corner on to our street – away we would fly to the curb to flag him down. It was the greatest ritual! But then … at the end of that week, he just suddenly stopped coming by.
We were all so disappointed. So much for the brief family tradition we had come to rely on.
A few weeks later, he came back again – this time I think it was around 11:00 a.m. About 4 days after that? At 6:30 p.m.
Both of those times we missed him - because we weren’t expecting him! We just couldn’t get our money and our bodies together in time to hustle out in front to catch him before he went by – because the routine had been broken.
So what’s the moral to this story? (that the ice cream man obviously doesn’t know!)
If you want the best results … be it in business, relationship, parenting … whatever - you must be consistent.
Consistent hours; consistent prices; consistent products or services; consistent rules.
Humans really are creatures of habit … you gain people’s confidence when they know they can really count on you.
So, if you want to achieve your desired results – you must remember to be consistent.
Look, I have 5 kids and two adults in my house – one stop at my front curb nets the ice cream man about $12 … if he came religiously every day (and my piggy bank never ran out of ‘fun money’!) that’s $4,380 per year … just from my household alone!!!!
Imagine what he would make if he did that times only 25 houses? … $109,500 annually!!!
Someone needs to tell this to my ice cream man! It’s been 107 degrees for a week, and WOW - do we ever miss him!
Until Next Time …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – On second thought … Shhhh! No one tell my ice cream man … I’m think I’m changing professions!
We all know the familiar sound of the ice cream truck … those unmistakable carnival-like tunes – sort of like an old music box that got wound too tightly and changes speed from time to time … without any assistance from the operator of the vehicle!
Casually I glanced up at the clock. It was only about 9:30 a.m.
Hmmmmmm … this brought three consecutive thoughts to mind.
My first thought was, ‘Wow – I haven’t seen the ice cream man around here in months.’
My second thought was ,‘9:30 in the morning? Isn’t that a strange time for the ice cream man to come by?’
My third thought was, ‘Why are my kids not running out here to ask me for money for ice cream?!’
Now, it is true that at this point, I have 4 teenagers in my bunch, but everyone knows you don’t out-grow buying ice cream from the ice cream man until you are about 28 years old … which is just about the time your own kids are becoming old enough to buy ice cream from the ice cream man … and, of course – you have to start all over again and show them the ropes! Wink, wink!
So I said to my Mom - “Remember last summer when the ice cream man came each day for about a 2 weeks in a row around 3:30 in the afternoon?” Naturally, we were out there to buy from him everyday. We even got a cool ‘punch card’! (You know the type, a ‘Buy 10, get 1 FREE’ deal!)
We would wait for him...
Listen for him ...
Look for him …
Drool!
Then, the moment we heard that rickety little truck turn the corner on to our street – away we would fly to the curb to flag him down. It was the greatest ritual! But then … at the end of that week, he just suddenly stopped coming by.
We were all so disappointed. So much for the brief family tradition we had come to rely on.
A few weeks later, he came back again – this time I think it was around 11:00 a.m. About 4 days after that? At 6:30 p.m.
Both of those times we missed him - because we weren’t expecting him! We just couldn’t get our money and our bodies together in time to hustle out in front to catch him before he went by – because the routine had been broken.
So what’s the moral to this story? (that the ice cream man obviously doesn’t know!)
If you want the best results … be it in business, relationship, parenting … whatever - you must be consistent.
Consistent hours; consistent prices; consistent products or services; consistent rules.
Humans really are creatures of habit … you gain people’s confidence when they know they can really count on you.
So, if you want to achieve your desired results – you must remember to be consistent.
Look, I have 5 kids and two adults in my house – one stop at my front curb nets the ice cream man about $12 … if he came religiously every day (and my piggy bank never ran out of ‘fun money’!) that’s $4,380 per year … just from my household alone!!!!
Imagine what he would make if he did that times only 25 houses? … $109,500 annually!!!
Someone needs to tell this to my ice cream man! It’s been 107 degrees for a week, and WOW - do we ever miss him!
Until Next Time …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – On second thought … Shhhh! No one tell my ice cream man … I’m think I’m changing professions!
Wanted
Since I’ve been writing the ‘Closet Wisdom’ column, I’ve been spending more time than I used to on line. Yesterday, when I signed on, I posted a message and defined my mood as … WANTED …
Well - apparently, people actually do pay attention to that stuff, because today … about 36 hours later … I came home to many, many messages (some that I won’t share! ;-) ) commenting on the fact that I am, in actuality, wanted! Ah … to be in demand. How delicious that feels!
One particular girlfriend of mine was joking around and she said to me … “every time I check in and see how you’re feeling …I want (to be) WANTED”!!!
Yes, in the moment she was being lighthearted, but in reality – wasn’t she sharing an incredible, fundamental truth for all of us? When it comes right down to it, don’t we all want to feel attractive, magnetic, admired … wanted?
The real question is … how do you get into that magical, draw others to ya’, come and get it space? Well, like every great truth – it is simple, but it is not particularly easy.
I haven’t always felt wanted and sought after like I do right now … it has been a journey and a process. There’s a basic equation to this ‘becoming attractive’ thing. (And, when I say attractive … I mean so much more than just your outer appearance … I’m speaking of having that certain edge that makes people keep coming back for more! )
There are steps, and here they are … one by one.
First, check in with your heart and figure out one thing. What is your bliss? What rocks your world? What makes you jump out of bed in the morning? What would you do 24 hours a day for free, just because it makes you feel so good?
Do you love to motivate and inspire people? (That’s my personal bliss!)
Do you love to create beauty through art?
Are you a teacher?
A healer?
A builder?
A writer?
You have a talent - a unique gift- something that lights you up and that will bring joy to both yourself and to others when shared. Find that special thing, and then when you do …
Do it! Pursue it! Become it! Live it! … with passion! Make yourself an expert on it! …
Then, deliver it in the way that only you can.
Model it.
Share it.
Gift it.
The biggest secret (which is no secret at all) is … always give more than is expected, more often than is required … and you will certainly increase your own value and start to become wanted … yes, you will find that you have become a … hot commodity!
Then? Be generous with the magnificence you’ve become. Spread it around! The more you give it out … the more it comes back to you.
Bestow it on others when they ask for it, when they need it, and, sometimes … when they least expect it. Do it with purpose. Do it with power. Do it with confidence. Do it unconditionally. And … watch what happens next …
Suddenly, one day, you will turn around and look behind you … and just like magic … as you are crossing the crosswalk of life, a small crowd will have gathered. And this, my friend, is your very own fan club!
Are you ready?
I think you are … or you wouldn’t be right here, right now, reading these words – you would have picked up the Wall Street Journal or the National Enquirer with your coffee instead.
Go … follow your bliss … work your magic … amaze your friends … and become WANTED! I’ll b e looking out for your ‘mood swing’!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – About that fan club? … I’ll be the President if you haven’t already got one!
Well - apparently, people actually do pay attention to that stuff, because today … about 36 hours later … I came home to many, many messages (some that I won’t share! ;-) ) commenting on the fact that I am, in actuality, wanted! Ah … to be in demand. How delicious that feels!
One particular girlfriend of mine was joking around and she said to me … “every time I check in and see how you’re feeling …I want (to be) WANTED”!!!
Yes, in the moment she was being lighthearted, but in reality – wasn’t she sharing an incredible, fundamental truth for all of us? When it comes right down to it, don’t we all want to feel attractive, magnetic, admired … wanted?
The real question is … how do you get into that magical, draw others to ya’, come and get it space? Well, like every great truth – it is simple, but it is not particularly easy.
I haven’t always felt wanted and sought after like I do right now … it has been a journey and a process. There’s a basic equation to this ‘becoming attractive’ thing. (And, when I say attractive … I mean so much more than just your outer appearance … I’m speaking of having that certain edge that makes people keep coming back for more! )
There are steps, and here they are … one by one.
First, check in with your heart and figure out one thing. What is your bliss? What rocks your world? What makes you jump out of bed in the morning? What would you do 24 hours a day for free, just because it makes you feel so good?
Do you love to motivate and inspire people? (That’s my personal bliss!)
Do you love to create beauty through art?
Are you a teacher?
A healer?
A builder?
A writer?
You have a talent - a unique gift- something that lights you up and that will bring joy to both yourself and to others when shared. Find that special thing, and then when you do …
Do it! Pursue it! Become it! Live it! … with passion! Make yourself an expert on it! …
Then, deliver it in the way that only you can.
Model it.
Share it.
Gift it.
The biggest secret (which is no secret at all) is … always give more than is expected, more often than is required … and you will certainly increase your own value and start to become wanted … yes, you will find that you have become a … hot commodity!
Then? Be generous with the magnificence you’ve become. Spread it around! The more you give it out … the more it comes back to you.
Bestow it on others when they ask for it, when they need it, and, sometimes … when they least expect it. Do it with purpose. Do it with power. Do it with confidence. Do it unconditionally. And … watch what happens next …
Suddenly, one day, you will turn around and look behind you … and just like magic … as you are crossing the crosswalk of life, a small crowd will have gathered. And this, my friend, is your very own fan club!
Are you ready?
I think you are … or you wouldn’t be right here, right now, reading these words – you would have picked up the Wall Street Journal or the National Enquirer with your coffee instead.
Go … follow your bliss … work your magic … amaze your friends … and become WANTED! I’ll b e looking out for your ‘mood swing’!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – About that fan club? … I’ll be the President if you haven’t already got one!
The Freedom In Being Flexible
As I was driving home yesterday through the rain, thunder and lightning, I glanced up at my thermometer on the rear view mirror of my truck and it read 52 degrees. Wow … only three days ago, I had been running my air conditioning and buying new pool toys for the back yard while the same gauge read 102 degrees!
That’s a 50 degree temperature swing in just under half a week!
The first thought that came to my mind (in my own amusement) was, “I’m so grateful that I’ve learned how to be flexible!” Dressing for desert conditions and tornados all in the same week takes some willingness to adapt!
You know, there was a time – most of my younger life, as well as when my kids first came along – when a change in plans used to throw me completely into overwhelm. I have always been a highly organized person (blame it on my Capricorn birth sign!) and I like to know who’s doing what, when and how. Extreme planning was my ‘comfort zone’ – I’m guessing because it gave me the illusion of being somewhat ‘in control’ of my corner of the Universe in any given moment – but …
Imagine how that need to ‘stick to the plan … to the letter’ disintegrates when you have not only one child … but then a set of triplets … and ultimately 5 little beings in total - with 5 personalities and 5 schedules come along! The more rigidly I fought to stay the course unwaveringly, the more unhappy it caused the other players in my life to become – and the more crazy it ultimately made ME! At some point, I got the message loud and clear …
”Hey Lady … let go of the oars!”
Now, it is always very important to have plans and a direction. It is imperative that you know where you want to end up in the end … but what I’m suggesting is that sometimes, it is necessary to be flexible in the route we take to get there.
Our hearts don’t lie … if we listen, they whisper to us our deepest desires … but how God answers those prayers for fulfillment is none of our business! Our only job is to get up each day, focus on what we want, live a life congruent with our values and morals, follow our bliss and … navigate the curves in the road along the way!
Face it … the river flows downstream without our assistance – all we must do is get into the flow and let go of the river banks!
The more we can understand the simple truth in this process, the less stress and disappointment we will experience in our lives and the more we open ourselves up to gifts beyond our own imagining! I sort of liken it to playing a board game.
Have you ever played Candy Land? The object of the game is to get yourself from start to finish by following a beautiful candy trail. Along the way, there are sweet treats and delights … there are short cuts and … there are pitfalls - but - all roads lead to the Candy Castle in the end!
Life is like that, my friend … you can’t lose! It’s impossible!!! But you can sure make it a frustrating journey by not being willing to step through unexpected doors that open … or walking away from windows that suddenly close … without regret.
Keep your eyes and your heart open … adapt … adjust … trust… and above all else, remain flexible!
The world won’t stop spinning if things don’t always go exactly how you planned … promise! Relax and float awhile with me!
Until Next Time …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - ‘The bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you refuse to take the turn’ - anonymous … and hey – it looks fantastic right around the next corner!!!bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to take the turn. -Anon.
That’s a 50 degree temperature swing in just under half a week!
The first thought that came to my mind (in my own amusement) was, “I’m so grateful that I’ve learned how to be flexible!” Dressing for desert conditions and tornados all in the same week takes some willingness to adapt!
You know, there was a time – most of my younger life, as well as when my kids first came along – when a change in plans used to throw me completely into overwhelm. I have always been a highly organized person (blame it on my Capricorn birth sign!) and I like to know who’s doing what, when and how. Extreme planning was my ‘comfort zone’ – I’m guessing because it gave me the illusion of being somewhat ‘in control’ of my corner of the Universe in any given moment – but …
Imagine how that need to ‘stick to the plan … to the letter’ disintegrates when you have not only one child … but then a set of triplets … and ultimately 5 little beings in total - with 5 personalities and 5 schedules come along! The more rigidly I fought to stay the course unwaveringly, the more unhappy it caused the other players in my life to become – and the more crazy it ultimately made ME! At some point, I got the message loud and clear …
”Hey Lady … let go of the oars!”
Now, it is always very important to have plans and a direction. It is imperative that you know where you want to end up in the end … but what I’m suggesting is that sometimes, it is necessary to be flexible in the route we take to get there.
Our hearts don’t lie … if we listen, they whisper to us our deepest desires … but how God answers those prayers for fulfillment is none of our business! Our only job is to get up each day, focus on what we want, live a life congruent with our values and morals, follow our bliss and … navigate the curves in the road along the way!
Face it … the river flows downstream without our assistance – all we must do is get into the flow and let go of the river banks!
The more we can understand the simple truth in this process, the less stress and disappointment we will experience in our lives and the more we open ourselves up to gifts beyond our own imagining! I sort of liken it to playing a board game.
Have you ever played Candy Land? The object of the game is to get yourself from start to finish by following a beautiful candy trail. Along the way, there are sweet treats and delights … there are short cuts and … there are pitfalls - but - all roads lead to the Candy Castle in the end!
Life is like that, my friend … you can’t lose! It’s impossible!!! But you can sure make it a frustrating journey by not being willing to step through unexpected doors that open … or walking away from windows that suddenly close … without regret.
Keep your eyes and your heart open … adapt … adjust … trust… and above all else, remain flexible!
The world won’t stop spinning if things don’t always go exactly how you planned … promise! Relax and float awhile with me!
Until Next Time …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - ‘The bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you refuse to take the turn’ - anonymous … and hey – it looks fantastic right around the next corner!!!bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to take the turn. -Anon.
SpongeBob Thong
Tonight, two of my daughters and I jumped into the car in and headed for Starbucks. Something about the evening, the girl time … and a coffee sounded great!
The Starbucks we frequent happens to be smack in the middle of a very large grocery store, and with 5 kids in the house, believe me when I say I am in that store almost every day. I have asked politely for my own reserved parking space, but for some reason, they have not obliged me quite yet! (Maybe when I hit the $1 million food bill? … which, by my most recent calculations, should be about next Tuesday!)
Because we shop frequently, we know everyone at this store … we know the managers, we know the baristas, we know the checkers, we know the baggers (my daughter’s boyfriend is one of them!). You know the kind of place I’m talking about.
We feel comfortable there. It’s like an extension of home … and I have the receipts to prove it!
Well, tonight, when the idea struck us to go out for coffee, we were already in our jammies. And the rule in our house? Once in jammies … stay in jammies!!!
Now, it is not really unusual for us to go to Starbucks in our pajamas. (Come to think of it, it is not unusual for us to go to Blockbuster Video in our pjs, Target in our pjs, the Little League Field or Post Office in our pjs …) In fact, it is not unusual for us to ‘feel comfy’ just about anywhere, no matter what we are wearing … especially our trusty jammies!
When we walked into the store tonight, there was a line at the Starbucks counter – about 6 people ahead of us. And thanks to Starbucks’ unmatched entrepreneurial ability to turn coffee drinks into their own food group … when the entire line of customers in front of you order something like a ‘double-shot-venti-ice blended-mocha –super-duper -concoction’ with extra whipped cream and chocolate syrup, you know you’re gonna be there a while!
So what else can you do but make a good time of it? And naturally, that’s exactly what we did.
There we were – talking, laughing … cracking each other (and anyone else within earshot) up and being our usual silly selves. We were happily waiting our turn when a very friendly Hawaiian gentleman, whose interest we’d caught, turned and noticed we were all in our sleepy attire.
After a moment of silence, he smiled and said …
“Wow … I wish I could wear my pajamas into Starbucks, but I don’t think that this place is ready for a full-grown man in …
… a SpongeBob thong!”
Then he flashed a contagious grin and started laughing, and we couldn’t help ourselves …
We burst out laughing too! It was one of those spontaneous bonding moments, when a group of people decided not to take life too seriously, and connected in a magical moment.
We all are given the choice, in every situation, to determine how we want to respond to whatever curves life is throwing in our direction. We can be impatient, frustrated, angry – serious, etc. … or we can step back, detach, relax … and lighten up.
All roads lead to the same destination, but one journey is certainly more enjoyable than the other!
Today, I share a quote that I love by Marilyn vos Savant that says …
"At first, I only laughed at myself. Then I noticed that life itself is amusing … and I've been in a generally good mood ever since."
A wise man knows life is far too important to be taken seriously!
So, laugh … with the rest of us!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – Now, the downside of this story is that every time we see this man in the future, we will have a visual of him actually wearing a SpongeBob thong!!! – but then again … could be worth an entire other set of laughs all together! ;-)
The Starbucks we frequent happens to be smack in the middle of a very large grocery store, and with 5 kids in the house, believe me when I say I am in that store almost every day. I have asked politely for my own reserved parking space, but for some reason, they have not obliged me quite yet! (Maybe when I hit the $1 million food bill? … which, by my most recent calculations, should be about next Tuesday!)
Because we shop frequently, we know everyone at this store … we know the managers, we know the baristas, we know the checkers, we know the baggers (my daughter’s boyfriend is one of them!). You know the kind of place I’m talking about.
We feel comfortable there. It’s like an extension of home … and I have the receipts to prove it!
Well, tonight, when the idea struck us to go out for coffee, we were already in our jammies. And the rule in our house? Once in jammies … stay in jammies!!!
Now, it is not really unusual for us to go to Starbucks in our pajamas. (Come to think of it, it is not unusual for us to go to Blockbuster Video in our pjs, Target in our pjs, the Little League Field or Post Office in our pjs …) In fact, it is not unusual for us to ‘feel comfy’ just about anywhere, no matter what we are wearing … especially our trusty jammies!
When we walked into the store tonight, there was a line at the Starbucks counter – about 6 people ahead of us. And thanks to Starbucks’ unmatched entrepreneurial ability to turn coffee drinks into their own food group … when the entire line of customers in front of you order something like a ‘double-shot-venti-ice blended-mocha –super-duper -concoction’ with extra whipped cream and chocolate syrup, you know you’re gonna be there a while!
So what else can you do but make a good time of it? And naturally, that’s exactly what we did.
There we were – talking, laughing … cracking each other (and anyone else within earshot) up and being our usual silly selves. We were happily waiting our turn when a very friendly Hawaiian gentleman, whose interest we’d caught, turned and noticed we were all in our sleepy attire.
After a moment of silence, he smiled and said …
“Wow … I wish I could wear my pajamas into Starbucks, but I don’t think that this place is ready for a full-grown man in …
… a SpongeBob thong!”
Then he flashed a contagious grin and started laughing, and we couldn’t help ourselves …
We burst out laughing too! It was one of those spontaneous bonding moments, when a group of people decided not to take life too seriously, and connected in a magical moment.
We all are given the choice, in every situation, to determine how we want to respond to whatever curves life is throwing in our direction. We can be impatient, frustrated, angry – serious, etc. … or we can step back, detach, relax … and lighten up.
All roads lead to the same destination, but one journey is certainly more enjoyable than the other!
Today, I share a quote that I love by Marilyn vos Savant that says …
"At first, I only laughed at myself. Then I noticed that life itself is amusing … and I've been in a generally good mood ever since."
A wise man knows life is far too important to be taken seriously!
So, laugh … with the rest of us!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – Now, the downside of this story is that every time we see this man in the future, we will have a visual of him actually wearing a SpongeBob thong!!! – but then again … could be worth an entire other set of laughs all together! ;-)
Something For Nothing
It was the beginning of December. I was in a difficult place. And even though it wasn’t a ‘feel good’ place, it was a place that I had been unknowingly asking to arrive at for my entire life.
At the time, I was employed by a company that I had only gone to work for several months earlier. Well known company, fortune 500 player. I had a good salary, a company car, company gas card, company credit card, complete authority over my staff … but a spirit that was one day closer to death every time the alarm clock went off and I drug myself out of bed and back to the office.
When coming on board, this company boasted values that were in alignment with mine … things like ‘Do the Right Thing’ and ‘Honor God in all you Do’ … and I thought I had found home. I listened to the talk, I saw the vision – but once I left the corporate training headquarters and landed in the day to day operations of this business, there was really no room to actually ‘implement’ that foundation. There was a chasm … a gap – and it was one I was unable to bridge. I was completely disillusioned. I woke up each day dreading going to work … and that was completely against my golden rule.
At the same exact time, I was in a long distance relationship. It wasn’t with a handsome stranger I’d met on a business trip or an intriguing lover I’d met on a solo vacation … it was with a family friend, who’d become more than a friend … after standing squarely by his side when he went to prison for a crime he didn’t commit, leaving behind 3 small boys.
Me? In savior mode - Southern California … Him? In victim mode - Northern California. 486 miles between us. Many rules. Few visits. No support on the home front. Difficult … to say the least. And he still had a long time to go.
I believe it was December 20th – and the only reason I would remember the date is because of the proximity to Christmas when I got the ‘straw’ that broke the ‘camel’s back’.
The branch office I had inherited to run was had been completely neglected and was in poor condition when I got it. The last quarter of our year – namely the holidays – was our busiest season and I was 40% understaffed.
I was working 14 hour days, 6 days a week. My team was already working a mandatory 6 day work week – about 12 hours a day.
These people had families, relatives, traditions, religious practices … and so did I - but 5 days before Christmas, I received an e-mail from my Regional Manager stating that the company as a whole didn’t look profitable enough going into the new year so there was an immediate need to increase revenue before the end of the month, therefore, all employees were required to work not only on the Saturday before Christmas, but Sunday as well … and I had 2 days to break the news to my associates.
In disbelief, I read it … again, and again, and again. And then, at that moment, something in me snapped. I didn’t say a word to my team. I gathered up my coat, purse, papers … I let my office assistant know I wouldn’t be back that day and I headed out the front door. Home I went.
When I pulled into the driveway and walked into the kitchen, the looks on my children’s’ faces was one of shock. I got all the comments like “Mom, what are you doing home so early?” and “What happened – how come you’re not at work?” and “Are you sick?”
Oh … I was sick alright. I was sick and tired of working harder than I ever had and having less than ever to show for it.
I had no time for my family (who was the most important part of my life)
I had no money in the bank (because I likewise had absolutely no internal abundance at this point)
I was being asked to take advantage of a group of wonderful individuals (who obliged because they were suffering from the same basic ’disease’ I was at that time and didn’t know what else to do)
And, I wasn’t doing anything that I knew I was put on Earth to do –
I was completely and totallyout of integrity with myself
I had sold myself out … and , on December 20th …
I was finally … done.
I QUIT!
I quit it all.
I quit ‘something’ for ‘nothing’ - and I never looked back.
I called my boss, blessed her and wished her well and said goodbye. I wrote a letter to my boyfriend, blessed him and wished him well and said goodbye. I picked up my address book … took an inventory of who was no longer serving the real purpose of my life, blessed them and wished them well and said goodbye.
And I made a promise to myself that very day … that finally, after all these years, I would grow into the whole package I was meant to be all along and I would no longer play small.
I stepped it up.
Was it scary? Hell yes! I have 5 children looking at me every morning expecting food on the table! I have a lender who expects the mortgage to hit the bank on the first. I have bills and obligations …
But guess what? I asked for the means to do what I LOVE … to follow my bliss … and to be supported in that. Believe me, the Universe supports a heart on purpose … so - grateful and happy - here I am!
I am writing every day. I am coaching every day. I am teaching every day. And I am making a difference in people’s lives the way I have always known I am supposed to. How do I know it’s working? Because YOU tell me all the time!
I now have time for my beautiful family. I have amazing new friends. I have the most incredible partner. I am blessed beyond words.
And I have all these things because when I knew what was necessary … I trusted, and I jumped off the cliff without a parachute. A leap of faith …
Left ‘something’ for ‘nothing’.
Wow, what a beautiful nothing it has turned out to be!
And as great as it feels to give all this to others … because it is my joy … I receive every day more than I share.
That, my friends, is the true meaning of abundance.
So, can I ask you something? Are you living your bliss every day? Do you wake up so grateful for everything in your life that you can’t help but spill it out all over everyone around you everywhere you go?
If not, step into your own closet … do some soul searching … listen to what your soul is telling you. You know what you were meant to do – and if not, find someone who can help you uncover it.
Then? Go to the appropriate cliff. Spread your arms out wide. Speak a great prayer of trust. And … jump.
And, with the right intention in your heart, I can promise you – that the landing will not be hard and painful … it will be into the arms of those at the foot of your valley who have been waiting to catch you all these years.
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – I will be the one yelling ‘you can do it!’ … louder than anyone else! ;-)
At the time, I was employed by a company that I had only gone to work for several months earlier. Well known company, fortune 500 player. I had a good salary, a company car, company gas card, company credit card, complete authority over my staff … but a spirit that was one day closer to death every time the alarm clock went off and I drug myself out of bed and back to the office.
When coming on board, this company boasted values that were in alignment with mine … things like ‘Do the Right Thing’ and ‘Honor God in all you Do’ … and I thought I had found home. I listened to the talk, I saw the vision – but once I left the corporate training headquarters and landed in the day to day operations of this business, there was really no room to actually ‘implement’ that foundation. There was a chasm … a gap – and it was one I was unable to bridge. I was completely disillusioned. I woke up each day dreading going to work … and that was completely against my golden rule.
At the same exact time, I was in a long distance relationship. It wasn’t with a handsome stranger I’d met on a business trip or an intriguing lover I’d met on a solo vacation … it was with a family friend, who’d become more than a friend … after standing squarely by his side when he went to prison for a crime he didn’t commit, leaving behind 3 small boys.
Me? In savior mode - Southern California … Him? In victim mode - Northern California. 486 miles between us. Many rules. Few visits. No support on the home front. Difficult … to say the least. And he still had a long time to go.
I believe it was December 20th – and the only reason I would remember the date is because of the proximity to Christmas when I got the ‘straw’ that broke the ‘camel’s back’.
The branch office I had inherited to run was had been completely neglected and was in poor condition when I got it. The last quarter of our year – namely the holidays – was our busiest season and I was 40% understaffed.
I was working 14 hour days, 6 days a week. My team was already working a mandatory 6 day work week – about 12 hours a day.
These people had families, relatives, traditions, religious practices … and so did I - but 5 days before Christmas, I received an e-mail from my Regional Manager stating that the company as a whole didn’t look profitable enough going into the new year so there was an immediate need to increase revenue before the end of the month, therefore, all employees were required to work not only on the Saturday before Christmas, but Sunday as well … and I had 2 days to break the news to my associates.
In disbelief, I read it … again, and again, and again. And then, at that moment, something in me snapped. I didn’t say a word to my team. I gathered up my coat, purse, papers … I let my office assistant know I wouldn’t be back that day and I headed out the front door. Home I went.
When I pulled into the driveway and walked into the kitchen, the looks on my children’s’ faces was one of shock. I got all the comments like “Mom, what are you doing home so early?” and “What happened – how come you’re not at work?” and “Are you sick?”
Oh … I was sick alright. I was sick and tired of working harder than I ever had and having less than ever to show for it.
I had no time for my family (who was the most important part of my life)
I had no money in the bank (because I likewise had absolutely no internal abundance at this point)
I was being asked to take advantage of a group of wonderful individuals (who obliged because they were suffering from the same basic ’disease’ I was at that time and didn’t know what else to do)
And, I wasn’t doing anything that I knew I was put on Earth to do –
I was completely and totallyout of integrity with myself
I had sold myself out … and , on December 20th …
I was finally … done.
I QUIT!
I quit it all.
I quit ‘something’ for ‘nothing’ - and I never looked back.
I called my boss, blessed her and wished her well and said goodbye. I wrote a letter to my boyfriend, blessed him and wished him well and said goodbye. I picked up my address book … took an inventory of who was no longer serving the real purpose of my life, blessed them and wished them well and said goodbye.
And I made a promise to myself that very day … that finally, after all these years, I would grow into the whole package I was meant to be all along and I would no longer play small.
I stepped it up.
Was it scary? Hell yes! I have 5 children looking at me every morning expecting food on the table! I have a lender who expects the mortgage to hit the bank on the first. I have bills and obligations …
But guess what? I asked for the means to do what I LOVE … to follow my bliss … and to be supported in that. Believe me, the Universe supports a heart on purpose … so - grateful and happy - here I am!
I am writing every day. I am coaching every day. I am teaching every day. And I am making a difference in people’s lives the way I have always known I am supposed to. How do I know it’s working? Because YOU tell me all the time!
I now have time for my beautiful family. I have amazing new friends. I have the most incredible partner. I am blessed beyond words.
And I have all these things because when I knew what was necessary … I trusted, and I jumped off the cliff without a parachute. A leap of faith …
Left ‘something’ for ‘nothing’.
Wow, what a beautiful nothing it has turned out to be!
And as great as it feels to give all this to others … because it is my joy … I receive every day more than I share.
That, my friends, is the true meaning of abundance.
So, can I ask you something? Are you living your bliss every day? Do you wake up so grateful for everything in your life that you can’t help but spill it out all over everyone around you everywhere you go?
If not, step into your own closet … do some soul searching … listen to what your soul is telling you. You know what you were meant to do – and if not, find someone who can help you uncover it.
Then? Go to the appropriate cliff. Spread your arms out wide. Speak a great prayer of trust. And … jump.
And, with the right intention in your heart, I can promise you – that the landing will not be hard and painful … it will be into the arms of those at the foot of your valley who have been waiting to catch you all these years.
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – I will be the one yelling ‘you can do it!’ … louder than anyone else! ;-)
Purple Cows
Today, I ask you … have you ever woken up to find yourself surrounded by a ‘theme’ in your life? I think it happens to everyone from time to time … perhaps when someone up there is trying to get our attention, if you know what I mean!
Let’s just use purple cows as an example -
You get up first thing in the morning , flip on your radio and your favorite d.j.’s are talking about a great new movie all about purple cows that just started showing in a theatre near you.
On your drive to work, you turn the corner by your usual coffee stop and the billboard at the side of the road that’s always advertised new cars? It’s now plastered with a huge, unpretentious, grinning … purple cow.
You get into the office and your receptionist lets you know three people need your immediate attention to discuss something that they claim just can’t wait – you call them in, one at a time, only to find out each one wants to talk to you about … yep, you guessed it … purple cows!
You know what I’m talking about, right? It’s a purple cow invasion!!!
The burning question that begs to be asked here is … do you ignore this happening and write it off as a coincidence? Or do you step back, get quiet for a minute and pay attention to what message might be in it for you?
Life is full and we are all so busy. We tend to ‘power through’ so much – and trust me, I can be as guilty as the next guy of falling into ‘get ‘er done’ mode! But since I’ve been around the block a few times now, I’ve discovered that ‘learning things the hard way’ is just not as enjoyable as it was in my younger days when I had far less to lose!
The Universe has its ways of teaching us our lessons … some subtle, some not so subtle. It may not be particularly gracious, but that’s just the way things work.
Take our cow scenario, for instance …
The first cow? – reasonably subtle.
The second cow? – not so much.
The third cow? – about as subtle as a two by four over the head!
Listen, you needn’t endure an entire stampede to catch the drift … all you need to do is begin to tune into your more sensitive side … your intuition, your sixth sense, your built-in spiritual GPS system, if you will, and pay attention.
And when you start to really ‘listen’ for the message - you will ‘get it’ easily! … Maybe even before God has to send the entire herd!!!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - Cows are cute, but man - do they make a big mess!
Let’s just use purple cows as an example -
You get up first thing in the morning , flip on your radio and your favorite d.j.’s are talking about a great new movie all about purple cows that just started showing in a theatre near you.
On your drive to work, you turn the corner by your usual coffee stop and the billboard at the side of the road that’s always advertised new cars? It’s now plastered with a huge, unpretentious, grinning … purple cow.
You get into the office and your receptionist lets you know three people need your immediate attention to discuss something that they claim just can’t wait – you call them in, one at a time, only to find out each one wants to talk to you about … yep, you guessed it … purple cows!
You know what I’m talking about, right? It’s a purple cow invasion!!!
The burning question that begs to be asked here is … do you ignore this happening and write it off as a coincidence? Or do you step back, get quiet for a minute and pay attention to what message might be in it for you?
Life is full and we are all so busy. We tend to ‘power through’ so much – and trust me, I can be as guilty as the next guy of falling into ‘get ‘er done’ mode! But since I’ve been around the block a few times now, I’ve discovered that ‘learning things the hard way’ is just not as enjoyable as it was in my younger days when I had far less to lose!
The Universe has its ways of teaching us our lessons … some subtle, some not so subtle. It may not be particularly gracious, but that’s just the way things work.
Take our cow scenario, for instance …
The first cow? – reasonably subtle.
The second cow? – not so much.
The third cow? – about as subtle as a two by four over the head!
Listen, you needn’t endure an entire stampede to catch the drift … all you need to do is begin to tune into your more sensitive side … your intuition, your sixth sense, your built-in spiritual GPS system, if you will, and pay attention.
And when you start to really ‘listen’ for the message - you will ‘get it’ easily! … Maybe even before God has to send the entire herd!!!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - Cows are cute, but man - do they make a big mess!
Play Big
By far, my favorite quote of all time ...
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
- Marianne Williamson -
On the phone the other day a close friend of mine made a comment that really took me back ...
He didn’t plan to at the time, but I’ll admit it … he ruffled my feathers. I only say that because of the reaction I felt inside in response to an innocent comment he made! (And I’m sure he picked up on it too, judging by how quickly the conversation topic changed immediately afterward to something significantly more important, like … the weather!)
He said … Kim, you are one of those people who …” (fill in the blank.)
Don’t remember how he finished the sentence. Don’t think I even listened to how he finished the sentence. Honestly? – I was stuck back at the part where I was being lumped into a random blob of humanity. Blech! (the blob … not the humanity!)
As human beings, we certainly all have the need and desire to ‘belong’ … it’s normal and it’s natural. But as unique spirits - I believe we also have the inherent responsibility to ‘stand up’ and to ‘stand out’. And the more I learn about me, and the more I grow into who I really am inside, the more seriously I take that to idea to heart.
Every person – you, me … the mailman - has the obligation to become a fully-actualized ‘original’ star in this show! And I, frankly, don’t want to be like anyone else. I want to be referred as ‘that crazy lady who writes from her closet’, not just ‘one of those women who posts stuff on the internet’. Do you feel me?
It’s different.
You were put here to do something spectacular and unique, because … if not – if anyone else could be you as well as you can - there would have been no reason to send you in the first place!
You have talents, gifts, passions … that you’ve been reverently entrusted with … to bring into this life and put to good use. You have a mission! You have a purpose! You have … work to do!
You have to get busy!
Have you looked around lately? Ummmm … excuse me … I think someone needs you! I think the whole damn world needs you!
Needs you; needs me – in ALL our glory!!!
So, what are you waiting for!? Want permission to play BIG? … Granted! Get off the bench! Get off the sidelines! Shaking the pom-poms and cheering for the rest of the team just isn’t enough anymore … and you know it.
Pssst … Hey, Beautiful … pick up the ball!
Get in the game!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - There aren’t two stars in the entire sky that are exactly the same – but they all shine brightly … and not one of them ‘tones it down’ so as not to ‘show up’ the other stars! Puh-leeeeeeze! Get busy and dazzle us!!!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
- Marianne Williamson -
On the phone the other day a close friend of mine made a comment that really took me back ...
He didn’t plan to at the time, but I’ll admit it … he ruffled my feathers. I only say that because of the reaction I felt inside in response to an innocent comment he made! (And I’m sure he picked up on it too, judging by how quickly the conversation topic changed immediately afterward to something significantly more important, like … the weather!)
He said … Kim, you are one of those people who …” (fill in the blank.)
Don’t remember how he finished the sentence. Don’t think I even listened to how he finished the sentence. Honestly? – I was stuck back at the part where I was being lumped into a random blob of humanity. Blech! (the blob … not the humanity!)
As human beings, we certainly all have the need and desire to ‘belong’ … it’s normal and it’s natural. But as unique spirits - I believe we also have the inherent responsibility to ‘stand up’ and to ‘stand out’. And the more I learn about me, and the more I grow into who I really am inside, the more seriously I take that to idea to heart.
Every person – you, me … the mailman - has the obligation to become a fully-actualized ‘original’ star in this show! And I, frankly, don’t want to be like anyone else. I want to be referred as ‘that crazy lady who writes from her closet’, not just ‘one of those women who posts stuff on the internet’. Do you feel me?
It’s different.
You were put here to do something spectacular and unique, because … if not – if anyone else could be you as well as you can - there would have been no reason to send you in the first place!
You have talents, gifts, passions … that you’ve been reverently entrusted with … to bring into this life and put to good use. You have a mission! You have a purpose! You have … work to do!
You have to get busy!
Have you looked around lately? Ummmm … excuse me … I think someone needs you! I think the whole damn world needs you!
Needs you; needs me – in ALL our glory!!!
So, what are you waiting for!? Want permission to play BIG? … Granted! Get off the bench! Get off the sidelines! Shaking the pom-poms and cheering for the rest of the team just isn’t enough anymore … and you know it.
Pssst … Hey, Beautiful … pick up the ball!
Get in the game!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - There aren’t two stars in the entire sky that are exactly the same – but they all shine brightly … and not one of them ‘tones it down’ so as not to ‘show up’ the other stars! Puh-leeeeeeze! Get busy and dazzle us!!!
One Pair At A Time
Like any other day, I stepped into my closet today to write something profound.
Got comfy. Got quiet. Put on my ‘Single Mom thinking cap’ (looks pretty much like a shower cap, but has built-in bells and whistles sewn on the top … oh, and a few sequins too! ;-) ) Sank down into some deep contemplation … reached for brilliance … looked up, and saw? …
Shoes! Many, many shoes!
Now, it struck me … as many different hats as I wear in my life – I have just as many different sets of shoes, too! This comparison brought a smile to my face.
I may not be the originator of this impressive thought, but … I suspect you can tell a lot about people by looking at the shoes they keep in their closet! Take mine, for example.
Because solo parenting of a large family necessitates being super organized … they are divided into ‘categories’! It’s like the aisles at the grocery store. My shoes are grouped according to the function I perform when I’m wearing them.
I have the ‘work’ department. This group consists of several flat, slip on pairs of shoes (all with safety souls, I might add) that are both comfortable and practical for the position I hold during the work week. You can tell when I’ve got these on, I’m all business!
Then I have the ‘athletic’ department. Here in their own little cluster, are 4 pairs of running shoes. Ones I wear when I go out on the trail behind my house for a walk or wear during my work out. And, yes, I’ll admit it … I have one pair in there that are so old and worn in that they have holes in the toes and tattered laces, but when shoes have seen as much action as those have – it is so hard to put them out to pasture. They are like good friends! If I’ve grabbed these, it’s because I could use a hug … and feet are a great place to start!
I also have the ‘Mom’ section. If it’s cold outside, I live in my Ugg Boots (have several pairs in a few different colors), but when it is warm, I am a California girl all the way! Here it comes … I’m gonna make a big confession, now … I have nineteen pairs of flip flops! (Don’t believe me? Oh, there are those who would testify in my defense!) I own every color under the rainbow – cuz they’re easy, they’re cute and … they just plain look great with a tan and a French pedicure! These are for the times I would rather not wear shoes at all – which, for me, is 99% of the time!
The final shelf of shoes in my closet is my kids’ favorite, and mine too … always has been! Can you guess? Yep – it’s the dress up department! Included here are several pair of classy boots, some strappy sandals, and a few pair of stiletto heels that would make you look twice … Okay, one particular red pair? … Maybe three times! ;-) When I’ve picked these, I’m out to make an impression. (Or at least make you think I’m 5 inches taller!)
Yes, I have all of these aspects to myself – I’m complex, and in today’s busy world, it is a necessity.
So what is the bigger message in all of this?
We can only wear one pair of shoes at a time, and you never know what others are still on the rack in another person’s closet.
Stand toe to toe with them when someone walks into your world … meet them in whatever they’re wearing on their feet at the time … but never, ever doubt that there’s more than just what ‘meets the eye’. Your underestimation could lose you a potential ‘sole’ connection!
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - You know, it really is true … you can’t judge someone unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes … all 27 pairs of them!
Got comfy. Got quiet. Put on my ‘Single Mom thinking cap’ (looks pretty much like a shower cap, but has built-in bells and whistles sewn on the top … oh, and a few sequins too! ;-) ) Sank down into some deep contemplation … reached for brilliance … looked up, and saw? …
Shoes! Many, many shoes!
Now, it struck me … as many different hats as I wear in my life – I have just as many different sets of shoes, too! This comparison brought a smile to my face.
I may not be the originator of this impressive thought, but … I suspect you can tell a lot about people by looking at the shoes they keep in their closet! Take mine, for example.
Because solo parenting of a large family necessitates being super organized … they are divided into ‘categories’! It’s like the aisles at the grocery store. My shoes are grouped according to the function I perform when I’m wearing them.
I have the ‘work’ department. This group consists of several flat, slip on pairs of shoes (all with safety souls, I might add) that are both comfortable and practical for the position I hold during the work week. You can tell when I’ve got these on, I’m all business!
Then I have the ‘athletic’ department. Here in their own little cluster, are 4 pairs of running shoes. Ones I wear when I go out on the trail behind my house for a walk or wear during my work out. And, yes, I’ll admit it … I have one pair in there that are so old and worn in that they have holes in the toes and tattered laces, but when shoes have seen as much action as those have – it is so hard to put them out to pasture. They are like good friends! If I’ve grabbed these, it’s because I could use a hug … and feet are a great place to start!
I also have the ‘Mom’ section. If it’s cold outside, I live in my Ugg Boots (have several pairs in a few different colors), but when it is warm, I am a California girl all the way! Here it comes … I’m gonna make a big confession, now … I have nineteen pairs of flip flops! (Don’t believe me? Oh, there are those who would testify in my defense!) I own every color under the rainbow – cuz they’re easy, they’re cute and … they just plain look great with a tan and a French pedicure! These are for the times I would rather not wear shoes at all – which, for me, is 99% of the time!
The final shelf of shoes in my closet is my kids’ favorite, and mine too … always has been! Can you guess? Yep – it’s the dress up department! Included here are several pair of classy boots, some strappy sandals, and a few pair of stiletto heels that would make you look twice … Okay, one particular red pair? … Maybe three times! ;-) When I’ve picked these, I’m out to make an impression. (Or at least make you think I’m 5 inches taller!)
Yes, I have all of these aspects to myself – I’m complex, and in today’s busy world, it is a necessity.
So what is the bigger message in all of this?
We can only wear one pair of shoes at a time, and you never know what others are still on the rack in another person’s closet.
Stand toe to toe with them when someone walks into your world … meet them in whatever they’re wearing on their feet at the time … but never, ever doubt that there’s more than just what ‘meets the eye’. Your underestimation could lose you a potential ‘sole’ connection!
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - You know, it really is true … you can’t judge someone unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes … all 27 pairs of them!
Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time, there were men and there were women.
The men? They were strong and empowered and confident. They were husbands, fathers, providers. Using every bit of their mind, their senses, their masculinity … they went out into the wild, stalked the proverbial meal - secured it and with pride, brought it home. And … life was good.
The women? They were warm and inviting and nurturing. They were mothers, wives, healers. Using every bit of their heart, their compassion, their femininity … they set the tone of the homefront – created and practiced tradition, birthed and nourished the children, spilled love over, appreciated and gave love to their men. And … life was good.
There was an understanding. A rightness of things. A balance. And everyone clearly knew their roles.
After many years, and as all things flow with time, some men became confused and their vision became blurred. They mistakenly began to believe that, because their muscles and their strength worked so well out in the wild, they must surely be superior to the woman’s abilities and attributes in every situation… and they started to lose sight of the glory of the female. Some of them even began to share this belief with their women and attempted to suppress their spirits.
This was not a good turning of things for women.
Around this same time, and as all things flow with time, some women became confused and their courage began to waiver. They mistakenly began to doubt that, living fully in the purpose of championing a family, was enough evidence of their inner strength … and they started to discreetly and collectively gather their unexpressed fear of being weak and unworthy to launch a protest against their perceived submission.
This was not a good turning of things for men.
So, one day – on the day of a very big hunt – as the men were readying themselves to go out into the wilderness and tame beasts and be men … out of the brush came women – an entire group of women. They looked like women, they sounded like women, they smelled like women, but they did not act like women.
The men were rightfully unsettled and nervous.
“Why do you come here now? Can’t you see that we are preparing for the big hunt? It will be hard work, physically challenging and dangerous. It is man’s work to kill and provide for the family,” said the spokesman for the men.
“Ha … foolish man,” replied the speaker for the women, “You think that your muscles and your size make you superior and the only ones who can go on the big hunt. But like you, we have weapons to help us. You think that women cannot do what you can do. But we are here to show you … we can … and we will.”
And with that, the women charged off into the wilderness to bring back sustenance for their families.
The men, not sure what to do while the women were on their own hunt, stumbled around a bit and mumbled amongst themselves.
“If the women will now hunt, then what shall be our role? Shall we hunt anyway and duplicate their efforts? And if we do, both women and men hunting at the same time, then who shall watch over the children while we are both out in the wilderness? And who shall be in the home to welcome us at the end of the day when the hunt is over?”
No satisfactory answers were to be had ... No satisfactory words were spoken.
Having no other purpose in their hearts, the men went back to their homes to be with their children and wait. They fed them, bathed them, taught them and played with them. It was not as easy as they had always imagined. The men were surprised and they were tired.
At the end of the day, the men once again gathered at the edge of the wilderness to see how the women’s hunt went. When the women finally returned, they brought back with them their killings – some large and some small. It was not as easy as they had always imagined. The women were surprised and they were tired.
“We have gone on the great hunt … and we have proven what we can do. We can do your job, men –“
The men looked at the women and replied, “And while you were gone, we cared for our homes and our children. We too can do your job, women –“
If but three words had been spoken on that day – the course of history could have been altered and the balance could have been maintained, but neither the women nor the men were willing to say them. No one spoke the healing words … “I honor you”.
So after each couple returned home in silence and sat at their dinner table, eating with their family, they looked upon each other at opposite ends of the table.
They looked different to one another than they had in the past. The men did not seem as virile and indestructable as they had before. The women did not seem as delicate and mysterious as they had before. And some of the magic of chemistry had begun to break down.
There was an uneasiness. A confusion. And no one clearly knew their roles.
This was not a good turning of things for men … or for women.
And yes, it’s just my unsolicited opinion.
Certainly, the quest for mutual respect and appreciation is an honorable thing … and though its original intentions were well meaning, where feminism missed the mark was that it became far more of a stand against oppression than a stand for equal regard.
As men and women, at what expense have we gained one another’s nod of conceit?
I believe that men and women everywhere act out the day of the big hunt over and over out of a sense of obligation, rather than a sense of inspiration.
I know many tired women.
I know many displaced men.
I know many lonely children.
I know how to fix it. I know three words that would begin to make it better – for all of us.
I’m not afraid … I’ll go first.
I Honor You.
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – Women … we don’t really need to give up our rights. Perhaps we just need to give up our need to be right.
The men? They were strong and empowered and confident. They were husbands, fathers, providers. Using every bit of their mind, their senses, their masculinity … they went out into the wild, stalked the proverbial meal - secured it and with pride, brought it home. And … life was good.
The women? They were warm and inviting and nurturing. They were mothers, wives, healers. Using every bit of their heart, their compassion, their femininity … they set the tone of the homefront – created and practiced tradition, birthed and nourished the children, spilled love over, appreciated and gave love to their men. And … life was good.
There was an understanding. A rightness of things. A balance. And everyone clearly knew their roles.
After many years, and as all things flow with time, some men became confused and their vision became blurred. They mistakenly began to believe that, because their muscles and their strength worked so well out in the wild, they must surely be superior to the woman’s abilities and attributes in every situation… and they started to lose sight of the glory of the female. Some of them even began to share this belief with their women and attempted to suppress their spirits.
This was not a good turning of things for women.
Around this same time, and as all things flow with time, some women became confused and their courage began to waiver. They mistakenly began to doubt that, living fully in the purpose of championing a family, was enough evidence of their inner strength … and they started to discreetly and collectively gather their unexpressed fear of being weak and unworthy to launch a protest against their perceived submission.
This was not a good turning of things for men.
So, one day – on the day of a very big hunt – as the men were readying themselves to go out into the wilderness and tame beasts and be men … out of the brush came women – an entire group of women. They looked like women, they sounded like women, they smelled like women, but they did not act like women.
The men were rightfully unsettled and nervous.
“Why do you come here now? Can’t you see that we are preparing for the big hunt? It will be hard work, physically challenging and dangerous. It is man’s work to kill and provide for the family,” said the spokesman for the men.
“Ha … foolish man,” replied the speaker for the women, “You think that your muscles and your size make you superior and the only ones who can go on the big hunt. But like you, we have weapons to help us. You think that women cannot do what you can do. But we are here to show you … we can … and we will.”
And with that, the women charged off into the wilderness to bring back sustenance for their families.
The men, not sure what to do while the women were on their own hunt, stumbled around a bit and mumbled amongst themselves.
“If the women will now hunt, then what shall be our role? Shall we hunt anyway and duplicate their efforts? And if we do, both women and men hunting at the same time, then who shall watch over the children while we are both out in the wilderness? And who shall be in the home to welcome us at the end of the day when the hunt is over?”
No satisfactory answers were to be had ... No satisfactory words were spoken.
Having no other purpose in their hearts, the men went back to their homes to be with their children and wait. They fed them, bathed them, taught them and played with them. It was not as easy as they had always imagined. The men were surprised and they were tired.
At the end of the day, the men once again gathered at the edge of the wilderness to see how the women’s hunt went. When the women finally returned, they brought back with them their killings – some large and some small. It was not as easy as they had always imagined. The women were surprised and they were tired.
“We have gone on the great hunt … and we have proven what we can do. We can do your job, men –“
The men looked at the women and replied, “And while you were gone, we cared for our homes and our children. We too can do your job, women –“
If but three words had been spoken on that day – the course of history could have been altered and the balance could have been maintained, but neither the women nor the men were willing to say them. No one spoke the healing words … “I honor you”.
So after each couple returned home in silence and sat at their dinner table, eating with their family, they looked upon each other at opposite ends of the table.
They looked different to one another than they had in the past. The men did not seem as virile and indestructable as they had before. The women did not seem as delicate and mysterious as they had before. And some of the magic of chemistry had begun to break down.
There was an uneasiness. A confusion. And no one clearly knew their roles.
This was not a good turning of things for men … or for women.
And yes, it’s just my unsolicited opinion.
Certainly, the quest for mutual respect and appreciation is an honorable thing … and though its original intentions were well meaning, where feminism missed the mark was that it became far more of a stand against oppression than a stand for equal regard.
As men and women, at what expense have we gained one another’s nod of conceit?
I believe that men and women everywhere act out the day of the big hunt over and over out of a sense of obligation, rather than a sense of inspiration.
I know many tired women.
I know many displaced men.
I know many lonely children.
I know how to fix it. I know three words that would begin to make it better – for all of us.
I’m not afraid … I’ll go first.
I Honor You.
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. – Women … we don’t really need to give up our rights. Perhaps we just need to give up our need to be right.
Money Vs. Spirit
Since I actually got some things straightened out in my head several years ago, it has made me really ponder why we as humans invest so strongly in the concept of money vs. spirituality.
Believe me … I bought into that concept and I have lived the battle! And to all of us, I say …
“Try putting them on the same team!”
For the first half of my adult life, my motto was, “Money doesn’t matter, it’s the spirit that counts.
That’s what I believed. That’s what I said. That’s the message I sent out into the “Great Beyond.”
I lived my life by that creed! Therefore …
I had no money.
My friends had no money.
My boyfriends had no money.
My eventual husband had no money.
Etc., etc., etc.
(Well, alright … just enough to survive. … But hey, we had plenty of spirit!!!
Then, eventually, I had kids! A few kids. Uh … a lot of kids!! Five, to be exact.
And guess what I quickly found out?
A lot of kids + no money = trouble experiencing a lot of spirit!
Here’s a secret about money. Ready?
When you’ve got it you don’t think about it, but when you don’t have it … you can’t think about anything else!
Not having enough money creates many interesting dynamics in life, including …
Stress.
Worrying.
Working H-A-R-D.
Having to say ‘no’ to fun and joy.
Giving most of your time to the pursuit of getting enough of it.
Which leaves little time for experiencing spirit – yours or anyone else’s?
Having been through the course of ‘Becoming Abundant 101’, here are the golden steps to embrace, as I see them, when it comes to money:
1) God wants you to have money.
2) God wants you to have enough money to meet all of your needs.
3) God wants you to have more than enough money to meet all your needs, so you can help others meet their needs.
4) God wants you to teach this to others so we can all live abundantly.
Imagine the great good that could come out of that! Each of us, able to play in our ‘spirit’ everyday, instead of hanging out, worrying about the balance in our checkbook!
I’m all for that, how about you?
Get money! Get comfortable! Get rich! … and don’t apologize! Where do you suppose the idea of money came from in the first place??? Yup … Spirit! ;-)
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - “It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.” ~Albert Camus
Believe me … I bought into that concept and I have lived the battle! And to all of us, I say …
“Try putting them on the same team!”
For the first half of my adult life, my motto was, “Money doesn’t matter, it’s the spirit that counts.
That’s what I believed. That’s what I said. That’s the message I sent out into the “Great Beyond.”
I lived my life by that creed! Therefore …
I had no money.
My friends had no money.
My boyfriends had no money.
My eventual husband had no money.
Etc., etc., etc.
(Well, alright … just enough to survive. … But hey, we had plenty of spirit!!!
Then, eventually, I had kids! A few kids. Uh … a lot of kids!! Five, to be exact.
And guess what I quickly found out?
A lot of kids + no money = trouble experiencing a lot of spirit!
Here’s a secret about money. Ready?
When you’ve got it you don’t think about it, but when you don’t have it … you can’t think about anything else!
Not having enough money creates many interesting dynamics in life, including …
Stress.
Worrying.
Working H-A-R-D.
Having to say ‘no’ to fun and joy.
Giving most of your time to the pursuit of getting enough of it.
Which leaves little time for experiencing spirit – yours or anyone else’s?
Having been through the course of ‘Becoming Abundant 101’, here are the golden steps to embrace, as I see them, when it comes to money:
1) God wants you to have money.
2) God wants you to have enough money to meet all of your needs.
3) God wants you to have more than enough money to meet all your needs, so you can help others meet their needs.
4) God wants you to teach this to others so we can all live abundantly.
Imagine the great good that could come out of that! Each of us, able to play in our ‘spirit’ everyday, instead of hanging out, worrying about the balance in our checkbook!
I’m all for that, how about you?
Get money! Get comfortable! Get rich! … and don’t apologize! Where do you suppose the idea of money came from in the first place??? Yup … Spirit! ;-)
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - “It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.” ~Albert Camus
Maturity
The other day, on the way to an appointment in the car, my daughter and I became deeply engrossed in a very philosophical conversation. At one point … frozen at a stop light … some important point of view just expressed – she looked at me and said, ‘Mom, you are really mature!’
A strange thing for a child to say to a parent, but still I knew just what she meant and gave her an appreciative smile. It was a particular kind of ‘maturity’ she was referring to.
The older I get, the more my definition of ‘maturity’ continues to change.
When I was a young child, ‘maturity’ meant making it to puberty - and all those wonderful physical and hormonal changes that would inevitably arrive.
When I was a young adult, ‘maturity’ meant learning to act appropriately in interpersonal and social situations. (no more burping louder than the next guy at the dinner table – a concept I am still waiting with baited breath to descend on the children who inhabit my own dining room!)
When I became a parent, ‘maturity’ meant developing the ability to consider someone else’s needs and happiness ahead of my own – and to make responsible choices and decisions accordingly.
But as I’ve graduated into yet another phase of my own personal growth in the past decade or two, a different type of ‘maturity’ has gradually become the cornerstone of my personal code.
It’s the type that allows me to embrace and appreciate everyone who passes through my world – no matter how briefly or in what form. The type that allows me to bless those people who appear to show up in my life with no other purpose but to challenge me, confront me and pull every last ugly skeleton out of my closet and toss them all over the room.
… it is the type that helps me to remember that every soul is doing the very best they can based on their own history and experience, in any given moment … and yes, even me.
It’s a ‘maturity’ of spirit.
It doesn’t ask for your birth date – couldn’t care less how old you are
Doesn’t boast outward evidence of its arrival – in fact, it’s gracefully discrete
Requires little more than an open mind and a willing heart – but, accepts nothing less
And it takes practice … and more practice … to fully develop this kind of ‘maturity’.
When your first inclination is to pull out the boxing gloves and remind someone you’re a force to be reckoned with – it’s not fully engaged! And when you turn the other cheek, without anger, it is.
So when the next challenging person comes waltzing into your life, gets in your face, pushes your buttons and starts to head directly for your skeleton collection ... rather than reaching for your weapon of choice – this time try reaching for your ‘maturity’ –
and I can almost promise that what you will find -
is that they were actually just stopping by to show you how far you’ve really come on this journey of personal growth.
Until Next Time…
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends - Baltasar Gracian
A strange thing for a child to say to a parent, but still I knew just what she meant and gave her an appreciative smile. It was a particular kind of ‘maturity’ she was referring to.
The older I get, the more my definition of ‘maturity’ continues to change.
When I was a young child, ‘maturity’ meant making it to puberty - and all those wonderful physical and hormonal changes that would inevitably arrive.
When I was a young adult, ‘maturity’ meant learning to act appropriately in interpersonal and social situations. (no more burping louder than the next guy at the dinner table – a concept I am still waiting with baited breath to descend on the children who inhabit my own dining room!)
When I became a parent, ‘maturity’ meant developing the ability to consider someone else’s needs and happiness ahead of my own – and to make responsible choices and decisions accordingly.
But as I’ve graduated into yet another phase of my own personal growth in the past decade or two, a different type of ‘maturity’ has gradually become the cornerstone of my personal code.
It’s the type that allows me to embrace and appreciate everyone who passes through my world – no matter how briefly or in what form. The type that allows me to bless those people who appear to show up in my life with no other purpose but to challenge me, confront me and pull every last ugly skeleton out of my closet and toss them all over the room.
… it is the type that helps me to remember that every soul is doing the very best they can based on their own history and experience, in any given moment … and yes, even me.
It’s a ‘maturity’ of spirit.
It doesn’t ask for your birth date – couldn’t care less how old you are
Doesn’t boast outward evidence of its arrival – in fact, it’s gracefully discrete
Requires little more than an open mind and a willing heart – but, accepts nothing less
And it takes practice … and more practice … to fully develop this kind of ‘maturity’.
When your first inclination is to pull out the boxing gloves and remind someone you’re a force to be reckoned with – it’s not fully engaged! And when you turn the other cheek, without anger, it is.
So when the next challenging person comes waltzing into your life, gets in your face, pushes your buttons and starts to head directly for your skeleton collection ... rather than reaching for your weapon of choice – this time try reaching for your ‘maturity’ –
and I can almost promise that what you will find -
is that they were actually just stopping by to show you how far you’ve really come on this journey of personal growth.
Until Next Time…
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends - Baltasar Gracian
Letting Go
One of my dear friends reached out to me last night … seeing that I have been less than my usual cheerful self lately … and encouraged me to write a blog about what I have been going through. Reluctantly, I agreed – only because writing usually is therapeutic for me.
This will likely not be filled with my usual whit. It will likely not be polished. It will likely not be graceful … but it will be real. It will be full of what I am experiencing in my life right now – because, at the very least, I can always be counted on to be honest.
It has been over two weeks now since my oldest daughter left my home. She is almost 19 … birthday in less than a month. I always knew she would fly out of the nest one day. I knew I would have to let her go. I knew it would be hard. I knew no matter how old she was - I wouldn’t be ready …
… but I never knew it would break my heart.
I envisioned it for years. Her room oddly empty. Her car packed with clothes. Her kitty in her back seat. Big hugs on the driveway – me fighting back the tears, but knowing she was only a phone call away; that she’d be popping in for dinner one night soon; that we’d go and visit her in her new apartment – and that it would be her rite of passage.
Yes, my daughter did move out 3 weeks ago …
… except that her room looks like she still lives here. Her car is in the driveway. Her kitty is asleep on my bed. I usually can’t reach her by phone; she won’t be coming around for dinner; we can’t visit –we don’t even know her address –
… and I have realized … this is my rite of passage, not hers.
She has made a choice. The first one ever that I haven’t known how to live with. But I must learn how now, and I must let go – or I will not survive this.
You see, my daughter didn’t just move out. She moved in and started an intimate relationship with a man whom, only a year ago, I was engaged to be married to. A man I loved. A man who said he loved me. A man I trusted. A man I planned a wedding with. A man I planned a future with. A man who I stood up for - even when others in my life challenged and criticized me for believing in him – including this very same daughter. A man who said he valued our family more than anything he’d ever known and swore to me he would never allow anything to harm and that he would never come in between.
My daughter is now living with – eating with, playing house with, sleeping with - my ex-fiancée.
Him? 12 years older than her. Three sons of his own already – every one of them older than her youngest brother. Still living with his mom at 30 years old. Now on parole. No steady work. And mocking me every chance he gets, just to remind me that he is getting even for breaking off our relationship after I caught him in a huge lie.
It is like a bad episode of Jerry Springer … but it is my life.
In front of my daughter - I have talked; I have reasoned; I have pleaded; I have screamed; and I have broken down.
Out of her sight - I have laid in my bed without sleep for so many nights I’ve lost count; sobbed so hard I’ve thrown up; wished he would die; wished I would die and landed myself in the E.R. with symptoms of a pre-stroke.
Still … she is gone.
Her brothers and sisters are falling apart and can’t sleep. Her best friend is so sick to her stomach she is unable to concentrate on her classes. Her father is angry and distraught. Her grandmother is in shock. Her Aunt and Uncle are so desperate to help her see what she is doing that they are willing to drive 3,000 miles across the country to try to bring her to her senses. Everyone who has loved her since she was a baby is devastated. No one understands why she has chosen this …
Still … she is gone.
I have tried to explain to her … not that I should have to … that there is a certain code in life between women. When it comes to men, you don’t tread where another woman who means something to you has been already – not your girlfriends, and especially not your own mother. I know she gets it … she was raised with strong morals and values – yet she twists this somehow in her own mind and convinces herself that it is alright … and that someday I will be also – but she is mistaken … I will not.
Time heals all wounds – but no amount of time makes wrong things right.
His voice and the voice of this man’s ‘mother’ (I put that term in quotes, because she does not have the capacity to fill the role and never has) feed my daughter some sick sort of encouragement that my concern for her and complete disgust at this situation is nothing more than my own ‘jealousy’ and desire to control her and make her decisions for her. How perverted and transparent are their projections to me … but to their advantage … how oblivious and naïve is my innocent daughter. I used to wish she would keep that innocence forever - now I wish every day that she would wake up … and grow up.
That she would disregard our relationship and dishonor me in this way has been almost too much for me to physically and emotionally bear. To watch him assist and allow her to do so is too much for me to ever forgive. He has so blatantly demonstrated his complete lack of love, respect or concern for the beautiful spirit of my first born baby, and a level of betrayal, cruelty and selfishness that my 45 years on this planet has never seen paralleled. But she – while extremely smart - was extremely wounded recently by several of the most important men in her life … so she chooses not to acknowledge the reality of the situation and blindly looks for that missing love in ‘all the wrong places’.
He uses her … and she lets him.
I have done what I can. I am out of words. I am out of chances. I am out of courage – for every time I have to say goodbye and watch her leave again she takes another little piece of my soul with her.
She will not understand until she has a daughter of her own someday – and even then I pray she never has to experience the type of pain I have felt throughout this – but I pray more diligently that when she does she has moved on from this man and this situation … because if not – I will surely not be a part of that event in her life. I think of missing the birth of my own grandbabies …
and I begin to cry … again.
Hugs (from the closet) …
and with a Broken Heart,
KimbraLee =(
P.S. - ‘Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go’ ~ anonymous ~
This will likely not be filled with my usual whit. It will likely not be polished. It will likely not be graceful … but it will be real. It will be full of what I am experiencing in my life right now – because, at the very least, I can always be counted on to be honest.
It has been over two weeks now since my oldest daughter left my home. She is almost 19 … birthday in less than a month. I always knew she would fly out of the nest one day. I knew I would have to let her go. I knew it would be hard. I knew no matter how old she was - I wouldn’t be ready …
… but I never knew it would break my heart.
I envisioned it for years. Her room oddly empty. Her car packed with clothes. Her kitty in her back seat. Big hugs on the driveway – me fighting back the tears, but knowing she was only a phone call away; that she’d be popping in for dinner one night soon; that we’d go and visit her in her new apartment – and that it would be her rite of passage.
Yes, my daughter did move out 3 weeks ago …
… except that her room looks like she still lives here. Her car is in the driveway. Her kitty is asleep on my bed. I usually can’t reach her by phone; she won’t be coming around for dinner; we can’t visit –we don’t even know her address –
… and I have realized … this is my rite of passage, not hers.
She has made a choice. The first one ever that I haven’t known how to live with. But I must learn how now, and I must let go – or I will not survive this.
You see, my daughter didn’t just move out. She moved in and started an intimate relationship with a man whom, only a year ago, I was engaged to be married to. A man I loved. A man who said he loved me. A man I trusted. A man I planned a wedding with. A man I planned a future with. A man who I stood up for - even when others in my life challenged and criticized me for believing in him – including this very same daughter. A man who said he valued our family more than anything he’d ever known and swore to me he would never allow anything to harm and that he would never come in between.
My daughter is now living with – eating with, playing house with, sleeping with - my ex-fiancée.
Him? 12 years older than her. Three sons of his own already – every one of them older than her youngest brother. Still living with his mom at 30 years old. Now on parole. No steady work. And mocking me every chance he gets, just to remind me that he is getting even for breaking off our relationship after I caught him in a huge lie.
It is like a bad episode of Jerry Springer … but it is my life.
In front of my daughter - I have talked; I have reasoned; I have pleaded; I have screamed; and I have broken down.
Out of her sight - I have laid in my bed without sleep for so many nights I’ve lost count; sobbed so hard I’ve thrown up; wished he would die; wished I would die and landed myself in the E.R. with symptoms of a pre-stroke.
Still … she is gone.
Her brothers and sisters are falling apart and can’t sleep. Her best friend is so sick to her stomach she is unable to concentrate on her classes. Her father is angry and distraught. Her grandmother is in shock. Her Aunt and Uncle are so desperate to help her see what she is doing that they are willing to drive 3,000 miles across the country to try to bring her to her senses. Everyone who has loved her since she was a baby is devastated. No one understands why she has chosen this …
Still … she is gone.
I have tried to explain to her … not that I should have to … that there is a certain code in life between women. When it comes to men, you don’t tread where another woman who means something to you has been already – not your girlfriends, and especially not your own mother. I know she gets it … she was raised with strong morals and values – yet she twists this somehow in her own mind and convinces herself that it is alright … and that someday I will be also – but she is mistaken … I will not.
Time heals all wounds – but no amount of time makes wrong things right.
His voice and the voice of this man’s ‘mother’ (I put that term in quotes, because she does not have the capacity to fill the role and never has) feed my daughter some sick sort of encouragement that my concern for her and complete disgust at this situation is nothing more than my own ‘jealousy’ and desire to control her and make her decisions for her. How perverted and transparent are their projections to me … but to their advantage … how oblivious and naïve is my innocent daughter. I used to wish she would keep that innocence forever - now I wish every day that she would wake up … and grow up.
That she would disregard our relationship and dishonor me in this way has been almost too much for me to physically and emotionally bear. To watch him assist and allow her to do so is too much for me to ever forgive. He has so blatantly demonstrated his complete lack of love, respect or concern for the beautiful spirit of my first born baby, and a level of betrayal, cruelty and selfishness that my 45 years on this planet has never seen paralleled. But she – while extremely smart - was extremely wounded recently by several of the most important men in her life … so she chooses not to acknowledge the reality of the situation and blindly looks for that missing love in ‘all the wrong places’.
He uses her … and she lets him.
I have done what I can. I am out of words. I am out of chances. I am out of courage – for every time I have to say goodbye and watch her leave again she takes another little piece of my soul with her.
She will not understand until she has a daughter of her own someday – and even then I pray she never has to experience the type of pain I have felt throughout this – but I pray more diligently that when she does she has moved on from this man and this situation … because if not – I will surely not be a part of that event in her life. I think of missing the birth of my own grandbabies …
and I begin to cry … again.
Hugs (from the closet) …
and with a Broken Heart,
KimbraLee =(
P.S. - ‘Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go’ ~ anonymous ~
Even God Rested on Sunday
True confession? It was late last night. (Saturday) And I knew that this morning, people would be looking for yet another uplifting, thought-inducing, spiritually touching post in the world of Closet Wisdom. However …
Me, I was tired. Not true. I was exhausted. Still not 100% honest. I was absolutely spent … body limp, brain soggy, internal motivation had left the building and gone home for the day. I needed to write. I wanted to write. I tried to write.
But every attempt to reach my wisdom came back … ACCESS DENIED.
What to do? What to do?
And then, in a moment of perplexity, a peace-creating thought arrived just in the nick of time!
Even God rested on Sunday!!!
And where I live in my heart … if it worked for God, it’s certainly bound to work for me! I am great at following examples … especially the ones that inspire magnificence! So … guess what I did? …
I SLEPT!
Might not be earth-shattering for you … but it was one small step for KimbraLee – one giant step for over-achievers everywhere!
You see, my second confession for a Sunday is that I do not rate an A+ in the department of self-care! Oh, I like to pamper myself … but I usually come in on my own ‘to do’ list around number 134! (Right after number 133, which is ‘remove all outdated food from the refrigerator’ and number 132, which is ‘find partners for all socks without mates in laundry room … keeping in mind I have 5 kids … and that’s a lot of socks!)
So today, a gift from my closet to you? Permission to take a day off! Permission to rest! Permission to relax. Permission to jump off of the hamster wheel of life and nibble on chocolate bon-bons, if the spirit so moves you. Why?
First - because YOU deserve a break today! (Geez, I’m dating myself … thanks Ronald McDonald!) and …
Secondly - unless you feed you, you ain’t got nutin’ to give to everyone else who counts on you.
Go recharge your battery. No one will mark you absent. No one will lower your grade. And? Class will resume when you return.
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - I’m still wearing my jammies!!! I think I might eat in bed today!!! I think I might let the laundry pile up and watch a sappy, foreign, romantic movie with subtitles! Ooooooo, Ahhhhhhh! So naughty!! What are you gonna do?
Me, I was tired. Not true. I was exhausted. Still not 100% honest. I was absolutely spent … body limp, brain soggy, internal motivation had left the building and gone home for the day. I needed to write. I wanted to write. I tried to write.
But every attempt to reach my wisdom came back … ACCESS DENIED.
What to do? What to do?
And then, in a moment of perplexity, a peace-creating thought arrived just in the nick of time!
Even God rested on Sunday!!!
And where I live in my heart … if it worked for God, it’s certainly bound to work for me! I am great at following examples … especially the ones that inspire magnificence! So … guess what I did? …
I SLEPT!
Might not be earth-shattering for you … but it was one small step for KimbraLee – one giant step for over-achievers everywhere!
You see, my second confession for a Sunday is that I do not rate an A+ in the department of self-care! Oh, I like to pamper myself … but I usually come in on my own ‘to do’ list around number 134! (Right after number 133, which is ‘remove all outdated food from the refrigerator’ and number 132, which is ‘find partners for all socks without mates in laundry room … keeping in mind I have 5 kids … and that’s a lot of socks!)
So today, a gift from my closet to you? Permission to take a day off! Permission to rest! Permission to relax. Permission to jump off of the hamster wheel of life and nibble on chocolate bon-bons, if the spirit so moves you. Why?
First - because YOU deserve a break today! (Geez, I’m dating myself … thanks Ronald McDonald!) and …
Secondly - unless you feed you, you ain’t got nutin’ to give to everyone else who counts on you.
Go recharge your battery. No one will mark you absent. No one will lower your grade. And? Class will resume when you return.
Until tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - I’m still wearing my jammies!!! I think I might eat in bed today!!! I think I might let the laundry pile up and watch a sappy, foreign, romantic movie with subtitles! Ooooooo, Ahhhhhhh! So naughty!! What are you gonna do?
The Cats Have It Goin' On
Okay, is it just me – or do cats really have this whole thing figured out?
As I write this, one of the three cats who live in my house is laying next to me on my bed. Couldn’t look more comfortable if he tried. The cat himself (this one solid black) is really only 15 inches long from nose to base of tale, but when he lounges, he suddenly stretches out to a full 2 feet - just like a slinky! Amazing – it’s better than plastic surgery!
(Geez, If I had this super power, then that would mean when I stretched out, I’d actually be … 64”x8+*&0-34mc=^93, carry the 2 …. about 6 feet tall!!! Sign me up!)
I think that perhaps the most remarkable thing about cats, to me, is that they clearly understand something that we as humans sometimes take the better part of our lives to figure out. Yes, Cats know The Secret. Their every waking thought? …
I am the center of the Universe!
If you live with a cat, then you getexactly what I mean!
They get hungry?… head for the bowl and, voila! - some well-trained human has filled it with tasty morsels! (and if not, there’s usually an accessible garbage can nearby - full of leftovers just ripe for the picking!)
They want attention? … find the closest pair of hands that can pet them and climb squarely into the owner’s lap for affection! (What? Master’s busy doing something? All the better … just lay down right in the middle of the project they are working on, look irresistible and/or be annoying until they can’t resist, give in and meet your needs!)
Tired kitty? … walk, drop, snooze! (Rule?: The more you are completely in the way … as in entirely blocking the path of traffic … the better! This causes all the passer-bys to turn their attention fully to you! … or trip! ... I know, I know … a devilish grin just appeared on cat’s faces everywhere just at the thought!)
Yes, cats have it good and enjoy the finer things in life … and that’s primarily because they do not worry about things the way we humans do.
They just know what they know what they know.
When was the last time your cat showed concern about how messy the house is? How many chores are on the ‘To Do’ list that won’t get tackled today? How badly the grass in the backyard needs to be mowed? How much money is in the bank account? The fact that little Johnny created a mural all over his bedroom wall upstairs with his crayons?
Doesn’t phase ‘em one tiny bit! They cruise right on by to the best spot in the house for a sun bath! Nothing seems to shake them up or steer them off course.
So, I offer that there is a lot to be learned from a cat ... if we humans want to create the life of our dreams for ourselves …
1) Stay confidently and faithfully focused that there will be food in the bowl and hands to stroke you everyday.
2) Be grateful for the really important stuff ( like … the quiet landing at the top of the stairs, the pork chop someone forgot to put back into the fridge, the pile of freshly folded laundry just waiting to be napped on, etc.)
3) Repeat numbers 1 & 2, ad infinitum
Just a thought … today, try thinking ‘outside the litter box’ and watch what happens!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - "I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine
As I write this, one of the three cats who live in my house is laying next to me on my bed. Couldn’t look more comfortable if he tried. The cat himself (this one solid black) is really only 15 inches long from nose to base of tale, but when he lounges, he suddenly stretches out to a full 2 feet - just like a slinky! Amazing – it’s better than plastic surgery!
(Geez, If I had this super power, then that would mean when I stretched out, I’d actually be … 64”x8+*&0-34mc=^93, carry the 2 …. about 6 feet tall!!! Sign me up!)
I think that perhaps the most remarkable thing about cats, to me, is that they clearly understand something that we as humans sometimes take the better part of our lives to figure out. Yes, Cats know The Secret. Their every waking thought? …
I am the center of the Universe!
If you live with a cat, then you getexactly what I mean!
They get hungry?… head for the bowl and, voila! - some well-trained human has filled it with tasty morsels! (and if not, there’s usually an accessible garbage can nearby - full of leftovers just ripe for the picking!)
They want attention? … find the closest pair of hands that can pet them and climb squarely into the owner’s lap for affection! (What? Master’s busy doing something? All the better … just lay down right in the middle of the project they are working on, look irresistible and/or be annoying until they can’t resist, give in and meet your needs!)
Tired kitty? … walk, drop, snooze! (Rule?: The more you are completely in the way … as in entirely blocking the path of traffic … the better! This causes all the passer-bys to turn their attention fully to you! … or trip! ... I know, I know … a devilish grin just appeared on cat’s faces everywhere just at the thought!)
Yes, cats have it good and enjoy the finer things in life … and that’s primarily because they do not worry about things the way we humans do.
They just know what they know what they know.
When was the last time your cat showed concern about how messy the house is? How many chores are on the ‘To Do’ list that won’t get tackled today? How badly the grass in the backyard needs to be mowed? How much money is in the bank account? The fact that little Johnny created a mural all over his bedroom wall upstairs with his crayons?
Doesn’t phase ‘em one tiny bit! They cruise right on by to the best spot in the house for a sun bath! Nothing seems to shake them up or steer them off course.
So, I offer that there is a lot to be learned from a cat ... if we humans want to create the life of our dreams for ourselves …
1) Stay confidently and faithfully focused that there will be food in the bowl and hands to stroke you everyday.
2) Be grateful for the really important stuff ( like … the quiet landing at the top of the stairs, the pork chop someone forgot to put back into the fridge, the pile of freshly folded laundry just waiting to be napped on, etc.)
3) Repeat numbers 1 & 2, ad infinitum
Just a thought … today, try thinking ‘outside the litter box’ and watch what happens!
Until Tomorrow …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S. - "I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine
The Value of Becoming 'Self-ful'
I have never kept it a secret that I have been divorced twice, and have children from both of my marriages.
With my first husband, I had four children – and with the exception of a moment of friction from time to time and some differences of opinion on various things, we get along fairly well. One thing I do appreciate about my first husband is that he has always been steadily employed and been a good provider, paying support for our children on time and without fail.
With my second husband, however, the situation is much different. We have one child together, and it is a lot of work for us to get along. At times, communication is very strained or completely non-existent in our relationship.
We do share many of the same philosophies (hence the original attraction between us), but unfortunately sometimes people struggle with practicing what they preach – (which, by the way, is always because of a wound they carry that is yet unhealed.) And if that person is ultimately unable or unwilling to do the work and bring themselves into a space of integrity, there is … divorce.
About a year ago, this ex-husband suddenly, and without explanation, completely quit paying child support.
He has never been very timely with his payments, so I waited until the entire month had passed without receiving any check in the mail, figuring he was just 'taking his time' getting it to me.
By the time the beginning of the next month rolled around with still no payment in sight, I sent a friendly reminder e-mail that read …
"Surely this has been an oversight, did you already send the check?"
The response I received back from him, while an explanation, was not what I was expecting …
"A while ago, I was 'let go' from my management position. I tried to find work in the area that would pay me 'what I am worth', but I had no luck – so I am now starting a business of my own doing what I've always wanted to do. I am in debt and I am currently making no money – so for now, when my own bills are not even getting paid, I cannot help to support our son. I am really asking for your understanding and patience – and at some point in the future when I become successful, I will make up whatever I will not be paying for in the meantime."
Wow. What was I supposed to do with that? I had a lot of mixed thoughts and emotions in reaction to the situation.
Some of them were these …
On one hand, I was in favor of him being successful at his passion – knowing his success would benefit many – including our son and myself.(After all, "follow your bliss!" - this is the very stuff which I teach and coach on!!)
On the other hand, I too had been pursuing and developing my passion, but was simultaneously able to continue to make an income while I did so – I had maintained my responsibilities all the while. And when it comes to my children, their needs and their support have always been at the top of my list of priorities.
After milling things over, I decided to give him a little time to get his act together, though I let him know that without the child support he was supposed to be contributing, meeting all of my financial obligations where our son was concerned would be difficult at best. He assured me he would 'work it out as quickly as possible.'
Months went by. No check. No communication. No light at the end of the tunnel.
Many of my friends advised me to 'turn him in' and 'get my money.' I did not want to do that. I did not want to be the enforcer of the law, so to speak … I just wanted him to do the right thing. To me – taking him to Child Support Services would have to be a last resort.
By this time, he already owed me a substantial amount of money, (because he had already not been paying me the full amount ordered by the courts previously simply because he 'didn't agree with the order') even before his payments had stopped all together.
I guess you have figured out that this is a person who believes in playing by his own rules.
Finally, I drafted a letter to him, stating how patient I'd been. I even included a payment plan which I'd come up with to enable him to bring things current in a manageable fashion (even a part time income would have handled the commitment) and invited him to make an alternate suggestion if what I had proposed didn't work for him.
I knew, and explained, that energetically, clearing up this situation would be good for both of us. I was sure he would agree. I waited for a response. I got nothing.
The next month, baseball season started, and I saw him after one of our son's Saturday Little League games (like I always did) as he was preparing to leave the parking lot. This time, however, I had shifted into a more attentive and 'self-full' space in my life and things suddenly looked very different to me.
Here he was standing outside his car with a brand new laptop computer perched on the hood, complete with a remote wireless internet antenna. He was wearing brand new designer sunglasses, and a Carnival Cruise Line's zip-up jacket. And in that moment, something in my gut told me that taking the 'high road' in this case, might just have been abused by its receiver and perhaps I should confirm my suspicions and choose another course of action.
On the way home in the car, I casually asked my son, "Hey, I see Dad had on a Cruise Line jacket – did he get that when you all went on vacation last summer?"
"Nope. He got that on his last cruise with (insert fiancée's name here!) or the one before that – they've gone on two now and haven't taken me on either one, which I don't think is fair! If he had the money last month to buy her a big diamond engagement ring, then how come he can't take me on one of their trips?" Trips? What trips? I was suddenly stuck back at the part about the big diamond engagement ring … the big diamond engagement ring … the big diamond engagement ring! (Okay, you get the picture!)
Now, I am not even going to begin to deny it … I was mad! I felt like a fool, and like my good intentions had been completely abused.
Here I was, cutting corners and practicing 'financial creativity' at its finest while he was out cruising and purchasing fine jewelry!
But most of all? I was frustrated and disappointed – because I still did not want to be put into the position of having to enforce something that was already a done deal and become the enforcer.
When I got home, I was in need of another perspective. So, I called a friend to ask for some guidance.
I explained my situation and how I felt … that I had tried my best to do things in a very good way … but that I was getting no results and that my ex-husband obviously did not take the situation seriously.
I also expressed my distaste at the idea of having to sign up for 'turning him in' to a system that goes after Dad's, encourages them to pay by continually contacting them, tapping into their bank accounts, suspending their driver's licenses and ultimately putting them in jail if they refuse to comply."That's just so 'un-spiritual'!, I defended."Do you want to know what's 'unspiritual'", he asked? "Not taking care of your child."
End of discussion.
Then, in a moment of speechlessness (which are few and far between for me!) he reminded me that all public assistance systems we as a culture have in place were born out of … spirit! There was a desire, there was a request, there was a creation … and now there is a system.
By the end of our conversation I had come to realize that in turning this case over to Support Services I would actually be removing myself from having to be in the enforcement role – because the State would be doing it instead of me.
And not only that – as long as my ex-husband chose to handle things responsibly, none of the consequences mentioned above needed to become his plight … but the choice was clearly his, not mine!
It was a shift … and a great 'A-ha moment' for me.
The next week, I walked into their office, filled out the paperwork, met with a counselor and turned over the case.
It took about 2 hours of my time – and do you know what I got in return?
... FREEDOM! ...
When I walked out the door of that office, I had let go of a burden I had been carrying around with me for months. It had affected my peace, my energy, my mood and the physical reality in not only my own life, but my son's as well.
And by taking care of that one item on my list, I was able to recapture all the energy that had been tied up in the situation and could now use it toward something fruitful in my life.
That is what being 'self-full' is! In the end – good for all concerned and bringing things back into balance.
Until Next Time …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S.– 'Selfish' is caring for ourselves at others' expense ... Being 'Self-full' is taking care of ourselves so that we can be there for others! Now, that's what I'm talking about!
With my first husband, I had four children – and with the exception of a moment of friction from time to time and some differences of opinion on various things, we get along fairly well. One thing I do appreciate about my first husband is that he has always been steadily employed and been a good provider, paying support for our children on time and without fail.
With my second husband, however, the situation is much different. We have one child together, and it is a lot of work for us to get along. At times, communication is very strained or completely non-existent in our relationship.
We do share many of the same philosophies (hence the original attraction between us), but unfortunately sometimes people struggle with practicing what they preach – (which, by the way, is always because of a wound they carry that is yet unhealed.) And if that person is ultimately unable or unwilling to do the work and bring themselves into a space of integrity, there is … divorce.
About a year ago, this ex-husband suddenly, and without explanation, completely quit paying child support.
He has never been very timely with his payments, so I waited until the entire month had passed without receiving any check in the mail, figuring he was just 'taking his time' getting it to me.
By the time the beginning of the next month rolled around with still no payment in sight, I sent a friendly reminder e-mail that read …
"Surely this has been an oversight, did you already send the check?"
The response I received back from him, while an explanation, was not what I was expecting …
"A while ago, I was 'let go' from my management position. I tried to find work in the area that would pay me 'what I am worth', but I had no luck – so I am now starting a business of my own doing what I've always wanted to do. I am in debt and I am currently making no money – so for now, when my own bills are not even getting paid, I cannot help to support our son. I am really asking for your understanding and patience – and at some point in the future when I become successful, I will make up whatever I will not be paying for in the meantime."
Wow. What was I supposed to do with that? I had a lot of mixed thoughts and emotions in reaction to the situation.
Some of them were these …
On one hand, I was in favor of him being successful at his passion – knowing his success would benefit many – including our son and myself.(After all, "follow your bliss!" - this is the very stuff which I teach and coach on!!)
On the other hand, I too had been pursuing and developing my passion, but was simultaneously able to continue to make an income while I did so – I had maintained my responsibilities all the while. And when it comes to my children, their needs and their support have always been at the top of my list of priorities.
After milling things over, I decided to give him a little time to get his act together, though I let him know that without the child support he was supposed to be contributing, meeting all of my financial obligations where our son was concerned would be difficult at best. He assured me he would 'work it out as quickly as possible.'
Months went by. No check. No communication. No light at the end of the tunnel.
Many of my friends advised me to 'turn him in' and 'get my money.' I did not want to do that. I did not want to be the enforcer of the law, so to speak … I just wanted him to do the right thing. To me – taking him to Child Support Services would have to be a last resort.
By this time, he already owed me a substantial amount of money, (because he had already not been paying me the full amount ordered by the courts previously simply because he 'didn't agree with the order') even before his payments had stopped all together.
I guess you have figured out that this is a person who believes in playing by his own rules.
Finally, I drafted a letter to him, stating how patient I'd been. I even included a payment plan which I'd come up with to enable him to bring things current in a manageable fashion (even a part time income would have handled the commitment) and invited him to make an alternate suggestion if what I had proposed didn't work for him.
I knew, and explained, that energetically, clearing up this situation would be good for both of us. I was sure he would agree. I waited for a response. I got nothing.
The next month, baseball season started, and I saw him after one of our son's Saturday Little League games (like I always did) as he was preparing to leave the parking lot. This time, however, I had shifted into a more attentive and 'self-full' space in my life and things suddenly looked very different to me.
Here he was standing outside his car with a brand new laptop computer perched on the hood, complete with a remote wireless internet antenna. He was wearing brand new designer sunglasses, and a Carnival Cruise Line's zip-up jacket. And in that moment, something in my gut told me that taking the 'high road' in this case, might just have been abused by its receiver and perhaps I should confirm my suspicions and choose another course of action.
On the way home in the car, I casually asked my son, "Hey, I see Dad had on a Cruise Line jacket – did he get that when you all went on vacation last summer?"
"Nope. He got that on his last cruise with (insert fiancée's name here!) or the one before that – they've gone on two now and haven't taken me on either one, which I don't think is fair! If he had the money last month to buy her a big diamond engagement ring, then how come he can't take me on one of their trips?" Trips? What trips? I was suddenly stuck back at the part about the big diamond engagement ring … the big diamond engagement ring … the big diamond engagement ring! (Okay, you get the picture!)
Now, I am not even going to begin to deny it … I was mad! I felt like a fool, and like my good intentions had been completely abused.
Here I was, cutting corners and practicing 'financial creativity' at its finest while he was out cruising and purchasing fine jewelry!
But most of all? I was frustrated and disappointed – because I still did not want to be put into the position of having to enforce something that was already a done deal and become the enforcer.
When I got home, I was in need of another perspective. So, I called a friend to ask for some guidance.
I explained my situation and how I felt … that I had tried my best to do things in a very good way … but that I was getting no results and that my ex-husband obviously did not take the situation seriously.
I also expressed my distaste at the idea of having to sign up for 'turning him in' to a system that goes after Dad's, encourages them to pay by continually contacting them, tapping into their bank accounts, suspending their driver's licenses and ultimately putting them in jail if they refuse to comply."That's just so 'un-spiritual'!, I defended."Do you want to know what's 'unspiritual'", he asked? "Not taking care of your child."
End of discussion.
Then, in a moment of speechlessness (which are few and far between for me!) he reminded me that all public assistance systems we as a culture have in place were born out of … spirit! There was a desire, there was a request, there was a creation … and now there is a system.
By the end of our conversation I had come to realize that in turning this case over to Support Services I would actually be removing myself from having to be in the enforcement role – because the State would be doing it instead of me.
And not only that – as long as my ex-husband chose to handle things responsibly, none of the consequences mentioned above needed to become his plight … but the choice was clearly his, not mine!
It was a shift … and a great 'A-ha moment' for me.
The next week, I walked into their office, filled out the paperwork, met with a counselor and turned over the case.
It took about 2 hours of my time – and do you know what I got in return?
... FREEDOM! ...
When I walked out the door of that office, I had let go of a burden I had been carrying around with me for months. It had affected my peace, my energy, my mood and the physical reality in not only my own life, but my son's as well.
And by taking care of that one item on my list, I was able to recapture all the energy that had been tied up in the situation and could now use it toward something fruitful in my life.
That is what being 'self-full' is! In the end – good for all concerned and bringing things back into balance.
Until Next Time …
Hugs (from the closet),
KimbraLee =)
P.S.– 'Selfish' is caring for ourselves at others' expense ... Being 'Self-full' is taking care of ourselves so that we can be there for others! Now, that's what I'm talking about!
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